Nervous about new guy's gentlemanness

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2004
Nervous about new guy's gentlemanness
1
Fri, 11-05-2004 - 1:33pm
I am 32 and dating a man who is 46. I like the idea that he is a seasoned veteran and seems to be very interested in getting to know me on an intellectual level. We seem very compatibile and close down restaurants because we have so much to talk about. He has been married before w/ no kids. He is absolutely handsome enough to be a jerk ( you know what I mean?) but is so polite and gentlemanly.

I do curse sometimes and I don't mind a little crass humor. He does not. We have discussed it and he doesn't seem uncomfortable that I am a bit more inclined to do so. I have toned it down. Not that it is a bad thing that I don't swear in front of him as often as my guy friends. I do have many male friends and am used to just being one of the guys sometimes. I am not trucker material, mind you, but I don't mind a dirty joke now and again.

Another thing that makes me nervous is he can be a very passionate kisser, but he doesn't show an interest in kissing my neck or letting his hands leave my back or neck. Not that this is unacceptable, we have only been kissing for three of six total dates now. I am just so nervous because I am afraid that he might actually be too much of a gentleman, later on, when and if we make it to the bedroom. I want to be able to let go with him and be myself, but I am terrified that our sexual styles might not match. Am I justified in feeling so, from our interactions so far. I am all for gentleness and intimacy, but I also might like to think that a man might whisper someting dirty in my ear someday or make me feel loved and nurtured and like his personal little porn princess at the same time. I feel so repressed and weird right now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2004
Fri, 11-05-2004 - 1:54pm
I'm sort of going through the same thing. The guy I'm dating and I are both used to our significant others being more aggressive, so we're both waiting for each other to "make the move." We've been on a few dates now, but it hasn't gone beyond "polite" kissing at the end of the night. We actually had a talk the other night and I just came out and said that I'm used to the guys being the more aggressive ones in my relationships. And because of a prior conversation that we have about religion, etc. he just wasn't sure where I stood on taking things to a more physical level. I guess it's a good thing that we're getting to know each other on a friendship level first so we have something to base our relationship on. If things are meant to be, I guess the other stuff will fall into place. But I just want him to want me - you know what I mean? I guess, time will tell.