Is new boyfriend TOO into me???

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Is new boyfriend TOO into me???
4
Mon, 07-19-2004 - 7:48am
I met this guy just over 3 weeks ago. We had our first date on just over 2 weeks ago and wow, did we click! Ever since then, there hasn't been a day when we don't see each other. Half the time we spend the day together and he'll stay over or if he does go home, he'll call me that evening to say goodnight. We have already gotten into a rut where he comes and stays over 4 of the 7 nights and the other 3 he just stops by after work for an hour or two and then we do our own thing. I even leave the door open for him so he can go in if I'm not home yet. I've wanted a guy who really wanted to be with me for so long now because all the guys I meet go out with me once or twice or never even call me back. This guy has brought me flowers (first time I've ever received any in my 32 years!) and is so affectionate with me and just wants to be with me as much as possible. He had a rough last relationship and his girlfriend cheated on him. He said he had been very depressed and bored because so many things had gone wrong for him until he met me. He says he's still insecure which is why he wants to make sure I'm happy with everything. The thing is, as much as I enjoy being with him, I'm really missing my alone time. Even if I go into the bathroom to dry my hair or get ready, he follows me in there and just sits and watches me or puts his arms around me. He told me last night over the phone that he's even self conscious at the grocery store when we go because he doesn't want to look at anyone else, just me. I told him not to be weird like that, that if there's someone attractive, you will look at them, it's just natural. He said that he understands if I do it, but he just doesn't want to.

What exactly is he getting at? He is so afraid that I will cheat on him. Is he way too into me too soon? It kind of freaks me out, but then again this is what I have always wanted.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2004
Mon, 07-19-2004 - 11:12am
I think because of the way he has been treated that he is quite insecure about himself, he wants to do as much as poss to keep you happy but doesn't realize he is going too far. If you like this guy and want to keep seeing him then i think he just needs some reassurance. But if it was me then i would talk to him about following you around all the time.. i like my personal space and i dont think i could handle someone being round me all the time, maybe you should sit down and talk to him???
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2004
Wed, 07-21-2004 - 1:01am
hey cheese -

what is sounds like to me is that b/c he was cheated on in his last relationship, hes trying to keep you around, ie. in his view and touch base w/ you as much as possible to make sure you wont cheat on him too. i think he's trying to prove to you what kind of man he is and what he is capable of so that you will realize he's a great cetch and not look elsewhere for lovin.

that's what i got out of it. (it sounded more complete in my head...hope you understand)

good luck

sarah

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Wed, 07-21-2004 - 7:27am
Be careful what you wish for mapper. I suspect that in past relationships you may have been the clingy one as well. I would just be honest with him, and tell him you need alone time. 4 out of 7 nights is a lot and just lock the door to the bathroom when you are there, you best remember your friends too, go out with them once in a while so it's not always you and him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Fri, 07-23-2004 - 12:16pm
While it can be great to see someone lots when you first start dating, that's the point- where's the dating if he's over all the time? You need to change the way things are working or you will go crazy with his clingyness. Don't leave your door open when you're not there, that's just begging for trouble and not just from him. Make plans after work with some friends and let him know you will talk to him later. Move when you see him to away from your house and don't invite him back there. He's got his own place, right? Make him go there. Plan to meet him at a destination rather than him swinging by your place to grab you. If he is over and you're getting ready, close the bathroom door and tell him you'll be out in a minute.

You need to set the boundaries that YOU are comfortable with.

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