New Date and Ex BF are Like Twins???

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2003
New Date and Ex BF are Like Twins???
21
Sun, 05-02-2004 - 4:14pm
Hello everyone. I really need to vent and make some sense out of this situation. I just broke up with my Ex BF of 4 months in March. We broke up because I felt neglected. We didn’t see each other as much as he didn’t call me like he used to. He said it was because of his job but I just couldn’t take it anymore. We both met on an online dating site.

After the breakup, Ex called me and invited me over his house several times but I never went. He even came to my house one night in April just to cuddle, spoon, and to "see me". That was a really special night and I honestly felt like he could be my husband one day. It seemed like we were well on our way to reconciling. He even promised to change by spending more quality time with me (which is one of the reasons why I broke up with him). However, after that night, things were still the same. He still didn't call me like he used to (we used to talk several times a day) and he hasn't returned my call from 2 weeks ago. . . That was on a Saturday night (4/17) and we made tentative plans to be together that night.

I've also been chatting with another guy from that same online dating site since last month (April). This guy is one year younger than my Ex (the guy is 36 and my Ex is 37). Both men celebrate their birthdays approximately 1 month apart (the guy’s B-day is September 25 and my Ex’s B-day is October 26). Also, the new guy looks similar to my Ex in the sense that they both have the same complexion and similar facial features. The only difference is that 1) the new guy is shorter than my Ex and 2) the new guy has a better sense of humor than my Ex. He’s like the *happier* version of my Ex and acts the way my Ex should act if he wasn’t depressed. In any event, we only emailed each other twice just to say that we are interested and to exchange telephone numbers.


So this new guy calls me last Monday night (4/26) around 10:30pm. This was the first time I heard from him since my last email to him 2 weeks prior. This was also our first telephone conversation. I’ve summarized the similarities I found between this guy and my Ex during that conversation:

1) I noticed right away that the new guy has a foreign accent. As it turns out, he is from the same country as my Ex. The new guy is also from the same borough (Brooklyn) as my Ex.

2) That first conversation went really well and it seemed like this new guy knew me already. For instance, this guy is a math major at a local college. We had a short conversation about math and then the new guy asked me “do you know where the college is located?��� I said no and thought to myself "who cares?" As it turned out, the college is located in my old borough (Queens). I went on to tell him how I used to commute from Queens to Brooklyn every day for school. He then stated how he makes the same trip but in the opposite direction (i.e. Brooklyn to Queens). I told my Ex all about my commute from Queens to Brooklyn as well as about my past experiences while living in Queens.

3) So we speak more about math and the new guy mentions how he recently tutored his friend to help *her* prepare for her nursing exam. My Ex just took his nursing exam last year.

4) The guy then apologized for not responding to my email until that night (2 weeks later) but said that he was in Florida visiting relatives. My Ex also went to Florida to visit relatives in January.

5) At the end of the conversation, the new guy apologized for calling me past my bedtime. I never told him that I go to bed around 10pm - only my Ex knows this.


The second conversation revealed more strange similarities and coincidences. For example the new guy:

6) spoke about his last date and said that he gave her flowers on the first date. My Ex also gave me flowers on the first date.

7) I noticed that the new guy and the Ex has the same laugh

8) he stated that he feels like he already knows me

9) New guy mentions that he is multilingual and is currently taking a Spanish course. My Ex is also multilingual but doesn’t speak Spanish. On the other hand, I studied Spanish for 8 years but I am not fluent and I need a refresher course. I told my Ex about my Spanish studies and explained to him the reasons why I am no longer fluent (I don’t have anyone to speak Spanish with). So I told the new guy this same story and he goes “Don’t worry, you have me now . . .”


Our first date last night:

10) New guys picks me up in a 1999 4 door black foreign SUV. Ex also has a 1999 Black 4 door foreign SUV.

11) The new guy wore the same black shoes as my Ex wore on one of our dates.

12) At the restaurant, the new guy asked me what kind of drink I wanted and I told him to bring me back a mixed drink. He brings me the drink and asked me to tell him what it is. It was a “Sex On the Beach” – my favorite drink. I never told the new guy that this was my favorite drink, just my Ex.

13) New guys tells me that it feels like we’ve dated before. At that point, I told him how he reminds me of my Ex and it’s as if they are related or something. I also told him that this is scaring me. Although he appeared surprised at some of the similarities above, he said that there was no connection and that he doesn’t have any family here in New York. I told him where my Ex lives and said that they should meet sometime. The new guy just looked down at the table and didn’t make a comment.


So after dinner we were driving back to my house and the song “You Remind Me” by Usher was playing in the background. That song solidifies this entire ordeal. Classic. Sometime later, the new guy said that he had to tell me something. I asked him what is it. He later changed his mind and said that he’ll tell me later. About 10 minutes later I reminded him and he said he just wanted to ask me to spend more time with him tonight. I told him to drive to the nearby boardwalk overlooking the Manhattan skyline.

So we sat in the truck which was parked at the boardwalk. Ironically, my Ex and I did something similar on our first date with respect to sitting in the truck watching the view. And just like my Ex the new guy tried to “put the move down” by kissing me and trying to get me to sleep with him. However, unlike my Ex, I didn’t sleep with the new guy because I was simply bewildered by the déjà vu experience. I told the new guy that I couldn’t go through with this and he tried to coax me into sleeping with him by saying that 1) he is different from my Ex and 2) sleeping with him would help me get over my Ex. I also told him that, until tonight, I thought he was my Ex and I started to cancel the date – thinking that my Ex would show up instead. He then became angry.

14) So we started listening to Usher playing in the background again and “You Remind Me” came on. I said that “Usher is the man”. The guy asked me who else is the man and I said that he’s the man too in a joking manner. Then the new guy moved closer to me and asked me to show him how he’s the man. Specifically he said “You can’t just tell me - you have to SHOW me how you feel”. This is the same thing I told my Ex 1 week before we broke up.

15) So finally I demanded an explanation for all the strange coincidences. The new guy wrote it off by saying “Everything Happens For a Reason” – the same saying my Ex has on his yahoo profile . .

What are the odds of meeting someone who mirrors the Ex in so many ways? Is there a connection between these guys? What the hell is going on?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2004
Sun, 05-02-2004 - 6:05pm
To some people they are consistent in their search and the person they become attracted to/person they attract tend to be similar in many ways (more like a twin). It's not necessarily bad. It's called consistency. It's hard to believe but it does exist.

However, when the person cannot separate the two and continues to compare and be verbal about it to their partner, chances are the person will ruin the relationship. It's not good to be compared to anyone no matter how similar they are. You must learn to bypass this stage and see them for who they are "individually".

If the similarities continue to bother you then you definitely have an issue you cannot ignore.

Is this is what you really want?

True Love can conquer all this issues....

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2003
Sun, 05-02-2004 - 8:23pm
Well first off keep in mind that this new guy is NOT my partner (even though he would like to think I am his partner). So I'm very reluctant to call this *thing* love or a relationship for that matter. Second, given all the strange *coincidences* that has happened prior to our FIRST date; a reasonable person would eventually explode and question this strange behavior. Third, I didn't initiate contact with the new guy - he sought me out online. In fact, the new guy said that he is a new member and I am the first person he's dated from the site. He also said that he added a second picture to his profile just for me.

I smell a rat here . . .

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2004
Sun, 05-02-2004 - 9:40pm
Okay...let me see...are you thinking that your ex and him conspired together to freak you out and play with you? To me that's where it looks like you're going with this.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
Sun, 05-02-2004 - 10:09pm
I think that's what she's saying... But the real tell-tale sign is the shoe size--is he the same size? If so, definite consipiracy! :)

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2003
Mon, 05-03-2004 - 2:09pm
Guys I really don't know what to think. But I do know that this whole situation sounds very suspect - almost surreal. I mean what are the odds of meeting someone who is almost identical to my Ex 1) from the same online dating site, 2)in New York City (where there's over 8 million people), 3)approximately 1 month after I broke up with my Ex and 4) going out on a date exactly 2 weeks after my Ex stopped returning my call. I mean his timing is too perfect.

Add that to all the parallels I've already pointed out about this guy and all the information he already knew about me and I say "Something's Not Right" . . .

Unfortunately I don't know what size shoe my Ex wears but they do have similar tastes in shoes (and clothes I might add).

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2004
Mon, 05-03-2004 - 2:33pm
If it's a set up to freak you out, you definitely do not want to be around their sick game. If you want to stick around and investigate you can or simply go to http://www.intellius.com and search public records. They have 24 hour pass. You can find out as many information as you can about your ex. Maybe he has a twin you don't know about....or mabye a record of something in the past. No matter what the result is, let this one go. If you are having that much doubt and needed proof for peace of mind - investigate.

I don't know what kind of job your ex is involved in but assuming he's into challenges and has unlimited imagination, we can just pretend he's creating a double to get back at you. Let's say that's the case. Then what? Is he financially capable to pull the cost involved in creating a double?

I'm sure a normal person cannot pull a double without spending a fortune on the process. If he went under plastic surgery then two weeks is not enough to pull it and face you. If it's one of those artist-made facial mask, you can definitely tell in person or smell the material to see if it's fake (this process involves QUICK-GLANCE and DISTANT VIEWING only).

Just let this one go. It's not worth it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2003
Mon, 05-03-2004 - 3:02pm
No I'm not saying that the Ex created a double or a look a like. I'm thinking that this new guy is either a relative (i.e. cousin) or good friend of the Ex - I don't know. Either way, this is a freaky situation and what benefit my Ex could possibly get from all of this I have no idea . . . .
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2003
Mon, 05-03-2004 - 3:22pm
Andesm: How can I get the Intellius 24 hour pass?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2004
Mon, 05-03-2004 - 3:41pm
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2004
Mon, 05-03-2004 - 9:36pm
Good one!
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