New to dating

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2005
New to dating
4
Mon, 05-21-2007 - 1:32am
Hi! Can you please give me some tips what to talk when I meet a new person? And b4 that how do I ask my cowroker out for a coffee when we hardly interact but we keep exchanging glances now and then? This guy sits one cube diagonally opposite me and everytime he walks past me, he smiles at me. we finally met in an elevator and had our first conversation. after this, we are having this iniating problem here- who talks first? he or me? but he always smiles at me and he looks interested to talk with me. Maybe he is shy to ask me for a coffee suddenly coming up to my cube? I sit with one other girl--so maybe he is feling awkward to come talk with me becx we dont work for the same group and it makes it even tougher to initiate a conversation. Please help. I want to just say hi to him and initiate a talk. But how do I do that?
Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
In reply to: gulabi1
Mon, 05-21-2007 - 10:02am

Hi passion,

There's just all kinds of things you can do.

Do you know someone in the company who knows him? They may be able to help you get together....they may know his schedule, know if he has a girldfriend, etc. I would definitely keep talking to him, there's no reason why you can't initiate the conversation. What did you talk about before? Could you talk about that some more? Are there clues in his cube that you could ask him about...is he into a sports team, is he a rock collector? If he's only a few cubes away, I'm thinking it would be fine for you to cruise down his way and stop to chat for a few minutes. Be sure to smile a lot. There was a guy I was interested in once that worked in a building near mine, and I would go out at lunch trying to run into him. He was just an acquaintence, so I had to more or less make the "I'm interested" move (through eye contact and body language). But I let him ask me out, rather than ask him. It worked. I'm thinking you could find ways of "accidentally" being where he is. But I wouldn't over-do this.

Now, some women on this board might encourage you to ask him out, but I wouldn't if I were you. I've said it before and I'll say it again: if he's interested he will ask you out. All you have to do is make it easy for him by signaling your interest.

Hey, good luck....it sounds like he's interested. Let us know how it goes! --FG

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2005
In reply to: gulabi1
Mon, 05-21-2007 - 1:16pm

Hi passion,

I normally would encourage you to ask him out, but since he's a co-worker, exercise extreme caution if you do make any moves. Many companies these days have anti-fraternization (a.k.a. no interoffice relationships) policies that apply to everyone, not just management. Not to mention, if either of you is new to the company and you do date, this can hurt one or both of your careers if it's not kept tightly under wraps. Office gossip has a way of spoiling a professional life, espcially a new one. And last, if your advances are unwelcome, unlike any other social setting, at work it could be construed as sexual harassment and there could be stiffer consequences than rejection.

Holly

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2005
In reply to: gulabi1
Mon, 05-21-2007 - 3:54pm
I just want to make new friends, get to know them and hang out with them. See if he is of my type. I am not looking into a relationship. I am so bored to eat lunch at my desk- I want to be with atleast an average intelligent, non egoistic, humurous person! Please is this world devoid of them or what? I think software is a wrong place to be working for girls like me. I know I am different and seek to be with a group who is passionate and non boring. This guy smiles at me - I smile at him. And we do this small hi, hello talk..but last friday- he was holding his gaze at me for few seconds when we passed next to each other (I was walking with my frnd) I cannot be patient to go ask him for a coffee during evening break in office. Can I do that?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2005
In reply to: gulabi1
Mon, 05-21-2007 - 4:23pm

I totally understand where you're coming from! I work in a software environment as well. It is hard to meet outgoing people in a technology-driven workplace since most in this field are the quiet type.

In the interest of getting you out of your desk and socializing a little more, why not invite some folks out of the office for lunch on a Friday or something? Does your office have any kind of social events that might help with interaction? In our office we do small things each month to kind of get our minds off work for a few hours. That's how I got to know most of the colleagues I am friendly with.

I assumed you were only interested in dating your office buddy since that's what questions on this board are normally regarding. My words were only meant as a caution. A lot of folks have relationships at work without incident, but it's always best to tread carefully in that situation because it's rather precarious in today's corporate world.