New at dating

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
New at dating
4
Tue, 10-12-2004 - 4:02pm
I've been dating a guy I met online for 6 months. Our relationship moves along slowly because we've each been taking turn traveling out of state. Also, there's a possibility that I may have to move out of state because of work. Anyway, last night was the first time I met his housemate. I was so surprised that my guy didn't even bother to introduce me to his housemate. This bothered me a lot. I asked him why. He said it's his private life. Guys don't talk about that to friends. He told me that his housemate which is also his best friend didn't even know that he was dating. I was a bit shocked. I wonder is he serious about me since he won't even introduce me to his best friend. Is this a bad sign? He had asked me to travel with him and his aunt for an out of state trip before. The trip didn't happen. But I always assume that he told people about our relationship. Now I'm not sure anymore. I felt like i'm a girlfriend in a closet. Someone he does not plan to get serious with. Am I thinking too much?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2003
In reply to: klutzycat
Tue, 10-12-2004 - 9:29pm
Not telling friends and family about the "online gf" is something common in guys. It is possible that due to stigma that online dating has he hasn't told anyone. In addition, he could be waiting to see is "it works". His response of "that's my private life" seems a bit harsh to me. I'd clarify this issue with him if I were you, I wouldn't want to date someone who is not serious about my existance.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
In reply to: klutzycat
Wed, 10-13-2004 - 11:44am
Thank you for your advice. I'll talk to him next time we go out. He's usually very nice to me but recently he's been giving me mixed signal on where this relationship is going. I'm trying to get clarification from him but haven't get a chance to.

By the way I look up you profile. We have the same birth date!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2003
In reply to: klutzycat
Wed, 10-13-2004 - 11:49am
I have to disagree. Introducing her to his family and friends doesn't mean he has to say they met online. Although not everyone meets their SO's family within the first 6 months or blabs about who they're dating to their roomate, the way you describe his actions and words don't seem very positive to me. My advice is to listen to your gut instincts. If you feel a red warning flag about this relationship, listen to it and make your choices accordingly. He probably is just not looking for (or wants or needs) the same type of relationship you are. Personally I'd rather have a guy who was excited and proud to be dating me and wanted me to be a part of his whole life, not just a tiny slice of it. But you only get what you accept for yourself. If this isn't what you want, then look elsewhere. Good luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
In reply to: klutzycat
Wed, 10-13-2004 - 10:50pm
I talked to him about this issue again. Actually, he's the one that brought it up. He said he will introduce me next time I meet his housemate. His friend is curious about me. I did ask him again why he didn't introduce me. He said he was caught off guard. His friend wasn't supposed to be home. He said he kinda mention me to his housemate before, but not at length. Anyway, I'll take your sugestion at heart: I'll only get what I accept for myself.

Thanks for all your comments.