new guy and an ex
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| Wed, 06-14-2006 - 9:29am |
I have been seeing a new guy for a few weeks. Thngs were rocky in the beginning so I had broken it off with him . Anyway last year my ex and I had a horrible breakup and it left me devastated and very very hurt for a very very long time. Since that time we had secretly gotten together on numerous occassions but nothing really came of it and nothing will because my ex is his own headcase of a not very nice guy, especially to me.
Last night the new guy and I were watching a movie when my ex called me. I was shocked to hear from him and made an excuse to pause the movie and take the call. Then the movie wasn't working and I made an excuse for my new guy to elave so I could go to sleep. I just needed to see what was up with my ex - he sounded horrible on the phone. I called my ex back and we arranged to meet for a cocktail in the neighborhood. I had a weird feeling that the new guy was going to follow me ... AND HE DID. HE FOLLOWED ME. He walked straight into the bar and approached me. It was horrific.
I went outdoors and spoke with him. He said he didn't follow me - that he had a feeling I was lying and turned back just in time to see me walk into that particular bar. But I know he followed me. I explained the situation to him . He seemed really hurt but I said that was part of the problem. The new guy and I have not discussed exclusivity.
We have only been together for a couple of weeks but he wants to be around me ALWAYS and I dont think that is healthy in the beginning of a relationship. I dont know really if we are completely compatible - BUT he is a sweetheart and I do enjoy him a lot.
I just needed to see my ex. However my ex and I are so NEVER going to be a couple ever again and what I want is a future with someone. The new guy may be a posibility but we lead very different lives and are acustomed to very different lifestyles so I have a hard time thinking it can work. The "thing" between this new guy and me is that he is sweet and easy to be around, a good lover and very considerate of me. My ex was EVERYTHING but considerate of me. However my ex and I were together for 2 years and I really considered him marriage potential. When we broke up it was sudden and mortifying for me.
FIRST, is it freaky he followed me at 10:30pm on a tuesday night? Should I be concerned that he may be obsessive? My ex actually said it was creepy and I was a little shaky.
SECOND, how much of a jerk am I in this situation? The new guy and I are supposed to get together this evening and I was considering calling during the day and I dont know what to do here?

I do think it's odd and even a little creepy that he followed you, but he may just have gotten a weird vibe from you and felt the need to check it out. But this combined with his general possessiveness and neediness makes it sound like you're not a good fit.
That was definitely a pretty crappy thing of you to do though. I mean, think about it...how would you feel in HIS shoes...you're out with a guy and he gets a call from his ex and he breaks off your date to go see HER that same night? Yuck!!!
It seems pretty clear from this post and other recent ones that you are not over your ex and that you have quite a bit of work to do still before you're ready to date. I mean, really--why would you want to see a "headcase" if you were in a healthy place?
Sheri