new guy = never committed and is 38

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2000
new guy = never committed and is 38
5
Tue, 05-18-2004 - 12:21am
Started dated a guy 8 years my junior. At first it was nice, however, I invite him back to my house for dinner, I cook (gourment at times) - he never ask me out to restaurants...He's cute, buff and hot. Always tired because of his job (night shifts). He yawns all weekend (that's all the time we have together). I ask "what movie would you like to see, what would you like for dinner, what wine..etc..He says "I don't know..he's very indecisive. I know he's under a heavy financial burden and I've been quite understanding, however, I don't want to go broke in the process. Sex is ok but he expects me to be the aggressive one as he seems to be passive.

He's had bad relationships, but so have I. He is stubbord and unyielding but he keeps coming back and we keep making up. Everytime we have a "discussion", he claims we're arguing and heads for the door, then leaves, then calls, says he's sorry and asks if he can come over. Very stubborn... I don't think we are very compatible as I am a Gemini - he's a libra. He just seems very negative and i feel he's pulling me down. I am in good shape, (great) I work out and look great for my age. He works out 4-5 times per week, is very buff and is getting the 6 pack. My tummy is flat but since a child and a c-section, I made a comment I was very comfortable in my own skin, that my tummy probably bothered him more than me, and he said "you may be right". What kind of comment is that. I am very secure w/my body and my looks, and sometimes I feel he tries to make me feel inadequate to make himself feel better. He states he's very confident, but I told him there was a fine line between confidence and conceit. He's in the mirror more than I.

Should i just keep searching...help

HELP!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-18-2004 - 2:21am
You wrote that you don't think you are compatible - then you are not. Nothing more we can say about it to you except that I'm sure there are men out there you WOULD find compatible. I suspect that its that "comment" he made that bothers you more than the $ issue or the indeciveness...bc you've been putting up with this for however long and you've yet to kick him to the curb. So why make negative comments about yourself? Why treat yourself like that? I agree his reaction was "jerkish"...but maybe he didn't want to "play your game." And think about it - the only reason you would say that about your stomach is bc you are feeling insecure and you wanted him to feed you a compliment or reassure you. You shouldn't need that...you should KNOW that you are working out and looking damn good for you age. That should be enough. I hope that it is :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
Tue, 05-18-2004 - 9:17pm

Maybe the reason he has never committed is his nonchalant attitude toward women, his arrogance and his insensitivity.

 Start

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2004
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 11:14am
Summer....what is wrong with you? Do you have low self-esteem? You must to put up with his crap and at his age. He is so immature, so he likes for you to cook, cause you do the gourmet thing. You know I know several gourmet restaurants, since he likes it so much. Think of pretty woman minus the prostitution and that's how a woman should be treated. Then there's the fact that he is that age and never committed, he must be a player, maybe he is seeing somebody else that he does take out and cannot risk being in the street with you, either way, you don't need him or his attention. I wish I was fit like you. YOu know what I am learning this day and age, it's not the looks, it's the attitude and I've got lots of it. Me stay home and cook, please, I must be trying a new recipe. Those sacrifices are meant to be done for your children and your husband if you have one. Now...let go of the zero and get with a hero....
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2004
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 2:38pm
Summer, you have GOT to dump him, this guy sounds like he is way too negative. You have GOT to get rid of him. The only good thing you listed about him was his physical good shape, that's it. What kind of reason to hold on is that? No way. Dump him. End of story.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 2:47pm

Hello summer!