new relationship

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2006
new relationship
1
Tue, 07-18-2006 - 5:57am

at the moment i feel the luckiest girl alive. i escaped an abusive marriage 10 months ago and am slowly re-building my life and the kids lives. and to be honest, i've never been happier than i am now.

almost five months ago i met the most wonderful man. he had been through a relationship break up with kids involved a couple of years ago. he understands the pressures and difficulties of it all and we can talk so freely to each other about everything.

i now feel i am falling in love with him. this is not a re-bound relationship on either side, we have both dated others before we met. we've been through the initial lust stage with each other and come out the other side too! however, we are both terrified of letting ourselves go, in case of being hurt. but it's got to the stage now where we are both giving just that little bit more to each other every time we're together. he makes me feel amazing, no one has treated me with so much tenderness and respect before. i am just totally in love with every little thing about him.

my question is, how soon in a new relationship should you tell someone you love them? i know love develops over time and you cannot possibly totally love someone until you know them completely and utterly. i made the mistake of jumping in to fast with my ex-husband, kids came along very fast. of course, i'm 9 years older and wiser now and have learnt from my mistakes. but i want to tell this man how i feel because it is all-consuming, on the other hand, i dont want to scare him off. also, because of my insecurities, i'd love to hear the words coming from him first. he has said stuff in his own little ways such as, i love being with you, you make me happy, and other more intimate stuff, which i guess is his way. he brought me some gorgeous flowers yesterday that melted my heart.

so, should i bide my time and let the relationship develop before using those precious words, which are so often abused? or should i tell him exactly how i feel?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2005
In reply to: kt1305
Tue, 07-18-2006 - 12:39pm
I think this is the kind of thing you say when it feels right. A mistake that people make, I think, is to say "I love you" because they need to feel secure and are afraid of losing someone. There's a difference between saying "I love you" and "I'm falling in love with you." Which is it for you? I think the latter is more plausible after a few months of dating, but again, say what feels right and what you truly mean.