new relationship??

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2005
new relationship??
1
Thu, 12-22-2005 - 5:58pm
In the beginning of Oct, I met a man online…we hit it off, and we’ve been dating for almost 3 mos….although we both have very demanding careers, we have been seeing each other regularly (he has usually only 1 wkend night off most wkends, and ever since our first date he’s planned a date w/ me during his 1 night off)…in addition, we have a weekly “phone date night” where we both catch up and chat. So things have been progressing very nicely given our circumstances and schedules. A few weeks ago, we slept together for the first time, and it was very nice  My concern..I don’t know if I’m overanalyzing, but I still have this very slight doubt in the back of mind as to how he feels about me…because he’s never come out and said anything about it. I know that it’s still pretty early (3 mos), but recently I’ve really felt like I’m beginning to develop strong feelings for him, and it’s scary because I have no idea if this is something he feels the same about/could in the future feel the same about/or may not want a committed relationship w/ me. Judging by his actions, he is 100% always very caring, considerate, and does very thoughtful things for me. We basically “act” like we’re a couple, although we’ve never had the “exclusivity” talk…I’ve just sort of trusted that he hasn’t been seeing anyone else. I know actions speak louder than words, but I would like to know how he feels about me…I don’t want/need to have a “daily relationship talk” or anything like that, all I really want is to hear it once, what he thinks. However, I don’t want to scare him off because I know it’s early, so I was thinking to maybe wait a month or so and bring it up depending on how things go. Important note – (what set me off the past few days): I was fine w/ “going w/ the flow” the first 3 months, but several days ago I logged back on to the website (which I had canceled about a month or so ago) to see if he was still active. He was, w/in 24 hours. Given his schedule, I know there’s NO possible way that he could meet someone else, and since things have been progressing so nicely for the last several mos, I don’t think he’d want to bring another girl into the picture…but I just have to wonder, because I was honestly a little surprised (and sad) that he still not only has a profile, but is still regularly using this site. Any and all honest opinions, feedback, and advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!!!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2004
Fri, 12-23-2005 - 12:18am
I think it is a little early to have "the talk" about your feelings. Opening up about feelings is a very scary prospect for some guys. I don't want to be a naysayer, but 3 months is a little early to get intimate with a guy. While a guy will find the lovemaking enjoyable, it is still scary for them to get too much too soon from a relationship. But of course a guy will never turn down sex. They will let things progress and convince you that its okay to become intimate. But after the fact, they pull back, because they feel things are moving too fast. Now I'm not saying every guy is like this, but a lot of guys are. I think this chap wants to play the field for a bit longer; before making a final decision on who will be his girlfriend. You may want to say "you're ad is still up. What's the deal?" and see what he says. Who knows? He may have forgotten to take it down. But if he really doesn't want to commit, you will find out with his response to your question.

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