Newly single - bad boys versus good guys

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2005
Newly single - bad boys versus good guys
5
Tue, 08-16-2005 - 7:29am

I'm a newly single girl, just out of a 4 year relationship.

I have just found out that two of my male friends are attracted to me. One is very sweet, generous, kind and is falling quite deeply for me. However, I'm not sure that I'm ready to get involved in another relationship yet and his keenness is making me feel a little claustrophobic.

The other is more of a 'bad boy' and doesn't want a relationship, just a fling. I'm very attracted by his naughty ways, but don't want to end up getting hurt.

Why do bad boys appeal more than good guys?!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Tue, 08-16-2005 - 8:40am
Okay well…as for myself, I recently ended a relationship with a guy who wasn’t a “bad” boy but did not treat me the way I think I deserve to be treated. Now I have been casually seeing a guy who treats me very well. It feels nice to be with someone who appreciates me and treats me like I should be treated. The bad boy attracts because you think he is “exciting” while as the good guy is secure, which you are not looking for now since you just got out of a relationship. I am trying to take time off from dating anyone, I think I really need it, but it is hard when I have my guy friends whom I become involved with as soon as I am out of a relationship…I am trying to keep it casual, which is what I suggest to you as well, but I do have to fight it and catch myself stepping back.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2005
Tue, 08-16-2005 - 9:15am

yeah, it is hard to keep it casual I think, which is mostly the problem... can I have a fling with a bad boy and have that excitement without falling too hard?

and it's doubly hard to not date anyone at all, as it's such fun being free and single for the first time in 4 years!! It's like all of a sudden my blinkers are off and there are men EVERYWHERE!!

I know what my gut feeling is - to go and have fun with the bad boy and then when I'm ready for a relationship, look for a good guy :o) But that doesn't sound very sensible or logical, and one of us might get hurt...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Tue, 08-16-2005 - 9:45am
That's a philosophical question for the ages and there isn't one simple answer. But alot of it is about fear of commitment - choose someone who won't ever commit to you and it's moot that you yourself aren't ready to say yes to one person.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2005
Tue, 08-16-2005 - 9:52am
That's exactly it - I'm so not ready to commit to one person, as I've been in long-term serious relationships for the last ten years... so I think perhaps just to have some fun and try not to hurt anyone, particularly not myself.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Tue, 08-16-2005 - 10:06am
<<>> exactly what my take is on the issue...i told the guy i am seeing i dont want anything serious and he accepts it, so it is all good!!!