No Chances-Breaking up

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2005
No Chances-Breaking up
2
Sat, 11-26-2005 - 12:22am

Me and my boyfriend have been dating for about 11 months now and things were going fine. We would fight occasionally and talk it over and things would get better. Until recently I thought that we would never break up and then he told me that he hadnt been happy this last 2 weeks and that he thought it would be best for both of us if we broke up. He said we had different goals and we were to different. It hurt.

When I finally got him to talk more about it, I found out I hadn't been doing enough around the house or really trying to fit in with his family. I am a shy person and I never talk very much anyhow unless I feel comfortable around the person and I had slacked off on many occasions with helping out. I kept getting busy with something and putting things off. Goal and different wise, I wanna go back to college a lil, he doesnt...he is more sociable than I am and likes sports and being athletic while I'm not really. We both want kids, want to buy land and build a house.

Well, I started doing more: being more sociable, helping out, doing all the laundry, dishes...and he kept disappearing. Staying out all the time to stay away. He didnt want to give me false hope that we could get back together. He said we were done. No more chances. He wants me to start sleeping in the other room now because he isnt comfortable. That I cant beat myself up over this and that I should move on. He wont kick me out until I have someplace to stay and wont force me to move all my stuff. He still cares about me. It hurts him to do this. I can see it in his eyes and when he talks to me. I still love him. He had a ring on layaway that I wanted. An engagement ring but it'll never be used now....

What can I do? I want him back. Should I play along for now, still do stuff and try to just be his friend and hope or what? I'm breaking apart. He is one of the first decent guys I've dated. What should I do? Someone please help and give me your advice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Sat, 11-26-2005 - 6:34pm

This man has stated his case and he is being very nice if you are living in his house. You need to accept the fact it is over and find a new place to live.

He's made his point abundantly clear.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Sat, 11-26-2005 - 7:36pm
Unfortunately there is nothing really that you can do if he's already made up his mind. I wouldn't try to get him back by doing things above and beyond what you usually would do because no matter what you do he's probably not going to change his mind. The only way usually to change a man's mind is to exit the relationship with dignity, find a new place to live, tell him that you are sad that it's over and if he changes his mind and you are still available to give you a call. Leave and then don't contact him. It will be really tough to handle the breakup in a mature manner since you are hurting and this came as a surprise to you, but try to leave with your head held high as much as you can. Don't show him that you are hurting too much and dont' contact him after you leave. Let him miss you. Sometimes men will change their minds after you've been gone for awhile and they have seen what they lost. Make it a point to grieve and move on with your life and don't ever expect him to return, take care of yourself first and foremost. He may come back to you but then again he may not. Hugs I feel for you, this is a tough time but you can get through it. Take care of yourself first and don't worry about what he wants and needs now. You are most important.