No Passion
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| Sun, 08-14-2005 - 5:05pm |
Any thoughts or input would be appreciated!
I'm 30 and I've been dating a guy for about a year now. This is the first real stable relationship I've ever been in (I had a tendency in the past to be attracted to men who treated me like crap). He is a great guy and treats me like a queen. I feel like I can trust him (something I don't think I've ever experienced), I can be myself around him, he's thoughtful and considerate, loves kids, and everybody I know thinks we're perfect for each other. I know--what's the problem?!
Since day one, I've never felt the "spark" I've felt with other guys I've dated...and it just doesn't seem like there's any passion in the relationship. I realize that maybe I'm bored because he doesn't have those "bad boy" qualities, and that the problem is really me. But what else bothers me is that he works horrendously long days, 6 days a week---so when we do get to spend time together a couple times a week...he's so tired from working that all he ever wants to do is relax and watch TV and then he falls asleep within a couple hours. On top of that, we don't have many similar interests, so things we would like to do together are pretty limited. All in all, the relationship seems to be kinda ho-hum. It's just hard to imagine building a life together with a man who's working all the time and doesn't like to do the same things you do.
I don't know--like I said, I've never been in a relationship with a nice guy before...maybe this is the way it's supposed to be (life isn't always parties and fireworks). What would you other ladies be doing in my situation? Would you try to find somebody a little more suited to you? Or is this a relationship worth working on and staying in?

You are right that not all relationships are excitement and fireworks. But it is important to feel passion in your relationship.
But because this is a nice guy and you do care about him very much, I would suggest giving things a chance. Maybe work on trying to find some things you CAN do together instead of things you can't. Branch out and try something totally new. I know he works a lot so you can't exactly join a league or take a class or something together, but find something that you can do at home - a project around the house or whatever. Relationships require work. If you try a few things to bring yout two back together. If things don't improve, then you can consider moving on. But give it a shot first. Good luck!
If I were in your situation I would dump the guy because my weekends are exciting and I live for them. I like to travel, meet new people and exercise. This guy, no matter how great, and how much money I earn and how well he treats me and how much I can trust him is definitely not for me.
He's probably not for you either. There are plenty of great guys out there that will be a better fit. Please find one.
is he planning on changing jobs? or you feel this is where he wants to be for a while?
is he happy about working 6 days a week? or does he himself want the weekends off?
is he a workaholic or is he "required" to put in those hours by the company/place he works. find out how he feels and what the constraints and circumstances are so you know better where he is coming from.
i can understand his wanting rest after 6 days of hardwork.
how does HE feel about the relationship...i mean, does he regret not spending enough time with you? or does it look like he is pretty comfortable and content and sees that everything is fine and the way it should be?
plan a date out that one day, after he has gotten some rest....do something fun together. i know both ur interests are limited but talk to him about it, and come up with something!
he should be willing, if he sees how much u miss him and both ur time together. maybe go out for a picnic at a nearby natural spot. the picnic could be a relaxing thing for him too, out in the nature.
if he is willing then there are many things u both can do together.
i wish u all the best!
PS: do u think the spark can be brought back or created if u both spend more time together? give it a shot. if u r numb around him, and don't feel like u miss him when he is not there, and don't feel any passion with the person (even though u might care for him) then perhaps he is not the one for you? it depends on ur priorities. on your needs.
if not having a spark, is going to make u give less, and get distracted with other men, then it's not a good idea to be in this.