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| Tue, 09-05-2006 - 7:27pm |
Hi, I posted earlier this morning under "serious candidate or not"...
Well, I did not receive his phone call at all! I have been waiting all day.
Strange, isn't it?
This was to be our first date.
We had exchanged numbers. He said he would call me before he said bye to me yesterday at work. We had decided which restaurant after an extended discussion of what kinda food or places we like and don't like. I know for a fact the lunch was today, both of our off-days. We had not decided the exact time though. I figured he would call me first thing in the morning to decide that, or atleast by 10..11am.
Sometime back, I called him for the first time (we have never spoken on the phone). It went straight to the machine after 3 rings. I hung up.
After all the interest he showed me, why this? Is this a game he is playing to gauge my level of interest? Or has he been in an emergency? Did he lose my number?
Tomorrow at work, how should I react?
I am totaly bummed out, and very disappointed and surprised at his disrespectful behavior. I kept myself hungry for until 1pm, until I gave up and had food at home.
I am still wayyy wayy way too surprised. This date was in the works since the last 3 weeks, when he had been trying for us to meet. And when the day finally dawns, he gives me a no show?

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I can only guess as to why the no-show because I am not him. This is the guy that emailed you, pursued you at work, begged you for a date before he even met you....
Perhaps now that he has you interested he's less interested. Maybe he has a girlfriend.
Bottom line, he didn't do what he said he would do so it is time to move on. At work, be polite but don't count on him for anything.
There's NO reason for him not to at least call you if something came up last minute on his end. I'd treat him like any other co-worker. Don't give him any extra attention and don't accept any more dates from him. I'm sure he'll have some lame excuse but there's no reason to not call~
Good luck at work and let us know how it goes!
~Dani~
Is it possible he lost his cell phone? Or my number? Because, we have Never called each other before. We had only exchanged numbers. Plus, at work last time, he even said this "I would hate for our meeting to be cancelled again". (Last few times it never happened, because I couldn't bring myself to make a date happen and so we never got to making any definite plans, plus one time I had gotten sick too).
I wanted to mention that he did not pursue me before meeting me, but after. He had seen me, but I hadn't. Then he started showing his consistent interest, and ultimately in the 2nd week, came by to say hi. That was the first time we actually talked. Then it continued on from there and remained steady, and only seemed to get stronger. This behavior is very weird! I have never had such a situation. Thank God I wasn't left waiting in a restaurant!
Tomorrow, when he says hi (not face to face, but we have this internal instant msging system) and I say hi back......should I remain silent and let him speak? If he DOES seem to have a legit excuse like losing his phone, or my number, do you think I should excuse him?
On the whole, should I let him know in clear honest words that what he did was very disrespectful. Or should I let it go. If he asks me if I was/am upset, should I say yes?
I know he will try to gauge my exact reaction to this.
<< We had decided which restaurant after an extended discussion of what kinda food or places we like and don't like.>>
After an "extended discussion" of where to meet, how come you guys didn't just say "see ya there at noon!"
I mean, to have an extended discussion about where, what types of food you like, etc ... and not put the "final detail" on it seems well, a little odd! (no offense)
Just seems like it would have been very simple, particularly after all that had been discussed to say "see you there at noon."
YOu said << We had not decided the exact time though. I figured he would call me first thing in the morning to decide that, or atleast by 10..11am.
Sorry, but I don't get why the time wasn't agreed upon. Seems like a simple detail.
Secondly ... because there was such an "extended discussion" of where ... perhaps he ASSUMED that you meeting him there?
In which case, he might have been sitting there thinking that YOU no-showed, kwim? A lot of people just assume that lunch is 12:00.
Did he say that he'd call you in the morning to confirm the time? If not, he may have assumed that you were meeting him there (since the PLACE was agreed upon).
And, you know what they say about assumptions ... make an A** of U and ME. ;-)
<< Tomorrow at work, how should I react?>>
Don't make a big deal out of it. By wondering << Is this a game he is playing to gauge my level of interest? Or has he been in an emergency? Did he lose my number? >> ... all you are doing is conjuring up all sorts of possiblities. Quiet your mind, and when you see him just casually say "hey, what happened with lunch yesterday?"
Either you "buy" what he says or you don't. But, until then, there's really no need to fret about it.
Hi Starbuck,
I am extremely sure I was not a no-show! Scary thought, but no. Haha..
Okay, we decided the NAME of the restaurant....but that restaurant has several branches here in the city. We did not decide which branch. Yes, we did not discuss the time. Actually, the conversation ended abruptly, because all of a sudden he was going home (they were letting some employees leave, because work was slow), and he quickly messaged me to say, he will come by my desk before he leaves. He did, and we just exchanged Hi's and Bye's. He ended the conversation with "I will call you tomorrow". He did not say what TIME he will call me. I don't believe he assumed the lunch was at 12. I doubt so. Inanycase, when he said he would call me, he should have! (Even if he was waiting at some restaurant for me...)
You are right. I need to just quieten my mind.
I am bursting with curiosity though....at what reason he could have. I am quite upset with him, but I will try not show it. Just that, he may have just blown everything with me if I feel his excuse is, well, just an excuse. He did not call today either. He has my number on his cell phone, because I had called him yesterday. Unless, he does not *recognize* my number. I will meet him at work tomorrow. Let's see what he has to say.
<< Inanycase, when he said he would call me, he should have! >>
I agree! I was not sure if he said he would call, if that expectation had been stated. If so, then yes, he should have called.
All I can say is that, from how you've described things (previously) in regard to how he pursued this "first date" ... I'd see what he has to say and, if it sounds buyable, then give him one more chance. That is, he didn't sound flaky (from how you described him, he sounded quite interested).
Anyway, coming off a long weekend, he may have misplaced his phone, lost it, who knows!? (we live in an era where people rarely write down phone numbers anymore, lol! ... and let's face it, guys (most) aren't great about keeping track of that type of stuff)
All I know is that it really does NO GOOD to assume, presume or guess at this point, right? So, wait 'n see what he says at work tomorrow. Let us know.
Update: So the reason why he did not call was because he "thought" he had my number, but he didn't! He had left it some place at work! And the reason he did not call me even the Next Day was because he says he was an Idiot, he could not face me, for letting me down. He said he was embarrassed. Well, well, well!
Unfortunately, I could not just *play it cool* and ended up expressing myself over how I felt, and told him that it's quite surprising that he could not make a simple phone call to say sorry, and kept me on tenterhooks all this time about the no-show. He did say sorry, and later asked whether we are still on, or this is it? I was quite upset by this question. I told him....how come he needs an immediate answer now, but did not believe in filling ME in when he could not make it. Not fair.
Well, he perhaps got the idea that I was truly pissed at him and this is the end of everything. Later he told me that if I decide to just call it quits then it wasn't HIS choice, it was mine. So we both seemed to be quite bitter over this. All this conversation was in text.
Breaktime comes around, and we ran into each other. Gosh, it was awkward!!!
He gave me a hesitant smile and said hi and despite my irritation at him, and my best efforts to NOT smile, I ended up smiling too. And then I averted my gaze and that was it.
So, would you buy this excuse? Does it sound genuine to you..
I still feel his NOT calling me, even the next day, was rude, insensitive, immature and thoughtless. He is 28, he has been thru a marriage and several relationships, he is even a parent of a small child, and how come he hasn't learned simple etiquette??? Baffles me!!
Nope. I don't buy it. A sincere person wouldn't have wasted any time calling you to apologize and explain why he was no-show. He would want you to know immediately that he left your number at work and that's why he couldn't call you. The fact that he claims he was afraid to call you the NEXT DAY leads me to suspect that the whole "I left your number at work" was a lie.
Who know why this guy went to such lengths to get you to agree to go on a date with him, only to flake out on the day of the date. Could be he already has a girlfriend, and he was unable to get away from her to go on a secret date with you. Or, he got involved doing something else. Either way, his behavior does not bode well for the future.
But it's up to you if you choose to accept his (lame) explanation and give him another chance. Personally, I would be very turned off by someone who told me he was too "embarrassed" to call me the next day.
It's unfortunate that you have to see this person at work. From now on, I would keep things polite and professional, and not even discuss the dating mishap.
But again, it's your choice. I wish you better luck if you decide to give him another shot.
Thank you jilly73.
That is exactly the word I used .. "sincerity"..while letting him know how I felt. If he was really "sincere", he wouldn't be doing this "hiding" act. Very baffling.
According to him, he has not had a GF since last 3 years. He said he was waiting for the right one to come along and felt that perhaps the time had come, when he got to know me. Seeing his interest, I got a little pressured and told him that it's a bit too early and he seemed to agree, and said that we can take it slow, and get to know each other, and hang out, and be friends etc etc.
Is he just shy? Is he one of the wimpy kinds? Is he just careless? Or was he lying, and actually WAS busy with something or someone, at that particular time. I really am quite confused, coz I don't know him all that much. Eitherways, whatever happened was a bit hurting to me. I had started believing this guy's attentions and intentions, and now this is what happens.
If I give him another chance, he might think I am desperate and perhaps a bit naive.
If I don't give him another chance, and if he actually WAS innocent, then I'd be losing a potentially nice guy, and would come across as too hard and bitchy and cynical.
What shd I do if he opens up personal converations at work? We have been talking personal things at work (instant messaging each other over the course of the day)...it all starts pretty innocently with his "hey" and "so what did you do this weekend/last evening" and the conversation slips to a mutual give n take of our opinions on things..and then it becomes all personal..like how he feels about me...and relationship/dating conversation. Should I tell him that we should No More have such conversations at work? And that if he is interested, we can always talk after work?
Good luck and let us know how it goes!
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