No show (!)

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2006
No show (!)
34
Tue, 09-05-2006 - 7:27pm

Hi, I posted earlier this morning under "serious candidate or not"...

Well, I did not receive his phone call at all! I have been waiting all day.
Strange, isn't it?
This was to be our first date.

We had exchanged numbers. He said he would call me before he said bye to me yesterday at work. We had decided which restaurant after an extended discussion of what kinda food or places we like and don't like. I know for a fact the lunch was today, both of our off-days. We had not decided the exact time though. I figured he would call me first thing in the morning to decide that, or atleast by 10..11am.

Sometime back, I called him for the first time (we have never spoken on the phone). It went straight to the machine after 3 rings. I hung up.

After all the interest he showed me, why this? Is this a game he is playing to gauge my level of interest? Or has he been in an emergency? Did he lose my number?

Tomorrow at work, how should I react?

I am totaly bummed out, and very disappointed and surprised at his disrespectful behavior. I kept myself hungry for until 1pm, until I gave up and had food at home.

I am still wayyy wayy way too surprised. This date was in the works since the last 3 weeks, when he had been trying for us to meet. And when the day finally dawns, he gives me a no show?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
In reply to: sienna09
Fri, 09-08-2006 - 8:12am

Sienna, here are my thoughts on the matter. Nobody loses phone numbers any more. They are on email or phones, phone directories, I haven't lost a phone number in years because there is always a way to retrieve them.

For whatever reason you are looking for an excuse to forgive this guy. You might or you might not. But I am a firm believer in not having drama in my life. This situation is drama. Men that want to go on dates with women never lose their number. They guard those numbers like gold.

You work with this guy which makes him even more problematic. If you want a new boyfriend go ahead and find one. Go out to clubs, use the Internet, meet your neighbors. This situation is trouble. You don't need drama at your job. Your job pays your bills.

Do whatever you want but I don't see this guy turning into Prince Charming any time soon.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2006
In reply to: sienna09
Fri, 09-08-2006 - 11:43am

^5 on that one! I totally agree. Guys just don't lose numbers. My theory is that he has a girlfriend and couldn't get away from her or something else better came along for him to stand you up. You two are already starting out on the wrong foot and this is a guy you happen to work with. I wouldn't bother with him again. Your work is to pay your bills not get tangled up with a man and all this drama.

He's already showing you he's disrespectful and you're looking for excuses to forgive his disrepectful behavior. If only people would pay attention to the warning signs ahead before they jump into relationships/friendships, it would save us a lot less grief in the end.

Of course the choice is up to you but I'd just leave it alone. Trust me if you give this guy a second chance, there'll definitely be more drama up his sleeve.




Edited 9/8/2006 12:41 pm ET by ivil_mami25
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2006
In reply to: sienna09
Fri, 09-08-2006 - 1:11pm

I've read all of the posts and I agree with everyone that this guy does not sound like someone you would want to spend your time with. These days it is impossible to lose phone numbers and it is almost impossible not to call. This guy just didn't and he made up some lame excuse to hopefully keep you around. But bravo to you for letting him know you were not okay with his behavior.

There is this book called "He's just not that into you" by the fabulous writers of Sex in the City. I recommend it to anyone and when I read your first post my first thought of the book immediately. I thought "Honey, don't waste your precious time on this loser because he's just not that into you." It sounds harsh but he would have called if he really wanted to. And it's his complete and total loss and he's stupid for not seeing just how fabulous you are! As the author Greg Behrendt says in his book, "You deserve a f**king phone call!" So my advice to you no second chance he blew it, he doesn't deserve you! A phone call is not that much to ask. Just wait for the guy who will call and will see how great you truly are!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
In reply to: sienna09
Fri, 09-08-2006 - 1:34pm

<< Nobody loses phone numbers any more. They are on email or phones, phone directories, I haven't lost a phone number in years because there is always a way to retrieve them. >>

But remember ... they have a working relationship and haven't really talked on the phone (but once?) outside of work. So, it IS possible that her number is not/was not in his cell phone/call log. And, if her number was in his email... not everyone can retrieve work email from home. Lastly, phone directories? Can't remember the last time I used one! Plus, a lot of single gals are unlisted. I am.

IMO, it is POSSIBLE to lose a phone number. Very possible. That is, if you haven't used the number. But, he didn't lose it ... he left it at work.

Whether she wants to "buy it" or not is up to her. I probably would have given him another chance, like christine said ... sometime's people "blow it" ... it doesn't have to mean condemning them for it. "Once shame on you, twice shame on me" as the saying goes. So, why not give the guy ONE chance to set it straight?

However, I do agree with << You work with this guy which makes him even more problematic. >>

I'd say, if she does give him another shot ... if it doesn't work out, you've got the awkwardness of working together. Which is why, overall, I'm not a big fan of "office romance" ... at least, not when you work in the same department or have to see each other regularly.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2006
In reply to: sienna09
Fri, 09-08-2006 - 6:44pm

Thank you all.

Yes, we have *never* talked on the phone. (The day he missed our lunch, was the day I first called him that evening, but he did not pick up the call, and later upon my asking, said that he didn't pick up calls from unknown numbers). And he did not say he "lost" my number. He said he thought he had my number, but he left it at work. So I am thinking, that perhaps he scribbled my number on the nearest piece of paper and happened to leave that at work. I actually did the same thing, but got the number home with me, and entered it into my cell, not because I am into him or anything, but just as a record. I agree though, that if he was REALLY INTO ME, he'd have guarded that number like gold. Either he is careless, absentminded, or just didn't care about my number to begin with. But the way he had been pursuing leads me to think he did care enough to get together with me, afterall, through and through, it was his idea. He also told me that it is upto me to believe him, but he doesn't talk like the way he has been talking to me, with everyone.

I am really in 2 minds though. I do have a nagging feeling that perhaps something better came up. Perhaps, he spent the night somewhere else, got drunk or something, and slept in the next morning and forgot or was with some other person. See, my imagination is going wild here perhaps...

Well, he has stopped talking to me. Today, I sent him a quick congratulatory message (a customer complimented him and everyone in the department was congratulating him) and he said "ty" and I said "welcome". And that is how much we talked. I initiated something because I knew him, and wanted to be a good human being and congratulate him for a job well done. I bet he was surprised.

Now why is he giving me the silent treatment? Beats me. If he was at fault in this entire situation, shouldn't I be the one keeping quiet?

Is he silent because he thinks I am so mad that I wont give him another chance?
Or is he silent because he is feeling guilty, and is thinking how to make up for his goof up.
Or is he silent because he has "given up" this whole idea altogether.

Any ideas?

Eitherway, I am not going behind him or initiating any more talk. If anything, I feel he should come to me. Isn't it?

To me, silence is not an answer. I find silence very frustrating.
I want some closure.

You are right, this is weird, (and dangerous) coz all this is at work. I can't afford to get distracted like this, while at work. I was better off earlier. Why did he have to pursue me like that and show his utter interest in me, throwing me off mentally (and a wee bit emotionally becoz of his seeming, persistent, romantic interest) off-balance like this? Believe me girls, I was as skeptical as any sensible girl right from the beginning, but he gradually made me start believing him and sharing more with him, with time, because of that consistency he was showing.

And now I feel a bit stupid for trusting.
But when I don't trust, I don't feel any good either.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
In reply to: sienna09
Fri, 09-08-2006 - 10:04pm

Hon, you have done nothing to feel stupid about. He pursued you and then stood you up. No one could have predicted he would come up with some story about forgetting to bring your number home, and then being too embarrassed to call the next day.

But I think you're letting this whole situation grow too large and important in your mind. It isn't that important. He's just one guy you had a flirtation with and nothing came of it. It happens ALL the time.

Please don't email him at work anymore. He didn't respond today because he probably feels this situation has turned into DRAMA, and I'm sure that's not what either of you had in mind.

Again, my advice is that you just go back to being professional when you run into him at work. Let this incident fade away to memory. There are other men out there that you don't work with and who will make dates and keep them.

Take care.

Avatar for dani20002000
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2000
In reply to: sienna09
Sat, 09-09-2006 - 9:44am
I suppose he could have left your number at work but if he was very interested in you, I would think he would have inputed it into his cell phone right away so that he wouldn't lose it. I think the fact that he didn't call you the next day really enforced the fact that he's lying. I don't know~just my intuition. I would just ignore him at work. I'm not saying to be rude or act angry, just act normal as if he was any other co-worker. Time to move on. There's a better man out there for you.


Edited 9/9/2006 1:41 pm ET by dani20002000
 BabyName Ticker
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2006
In reply to: sienna09
Sat, 09-09-2006 - 3:36pm

This guy sounds like a player to me. The thrill of the chase and now he's gone. You're best to leave this guy alone. Don't call him, don't email him anymore just leave him alone.

Like the o/p said, it was just a harmless flirtation that didn't go anywhere. It happens all the time. Just read these boards.

Just concentrate on doing your job that you're beind paid to do. You're not being paid to flirt with guys. This guy seems unavailabe to me and probably just asked you out to see if you'd say yes, especially since you did say previously that he's of a different race.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2006
In reply to: sienna09
Sat, 09-09-2006 - 6:07pm

Yeah.. thank you all..
Thank you for the insight...that a lot of flirtations just don't go anywhere.

He messaged me all of a sudden at work today...towards the end of the day and said something like "Can I just say that I miss talking to you?". I said Hi. and He said How are you. And then he said he was tired etc. And I said something polite. And that was it.

I am thinking now, that his silence is perhaps he is afraid that I am really put off with him.

Yeah, so the reason he did not call on day 1 was becoz he didn't have my number.
the reason he did not call on day 2, was because he was too scared to call.
It's interesting that you all feel that something is up.

I know this isn't going to go anywhere more than friendship. Even if he tries to flirt with me again gradually...and tries to build that trust again, I am going to be looking at it with very very very very doubtful eyes. I guess this incident happened for good, thanks God! Perhaps, it was a nudge from God that it's the wrong person.

IF at all he works up the nerve to ask me out, I will make it VERY clear, that it's not a DATE, like he was suggesting. I will meet him politely like any other person. Will look at it as killing time with an acquaintance at work. I.e. if he asks me, else, I am much better off without this drama..

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
In reply to: sienna09
Sat, 09-09-2006 - 11:37pm

The fact that you're still posting tells me that a) you do want more even though you're saying otherwise and b) that you're looking for him to grovel.


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