no time for me in his life?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
no time for me in his life?
8
Thu, 03-02-2006 - 8:13am

Hi ladies, I need some advice/comments here...and I know some of you have given me advice on my situation before, but please ignore those previous posts and just give me advice on this particular situation.

My boyfriend (26 yo) and I (23yo) have been together for a long time on and off (almost 2 years). It's been rough at times but I do love him and we have worked things out. He has always been quite busy and when he was still at school I saw him on the weekends, but sometimes not even then because of studying. He graduated last year and this is my senior year of college. He is working now and is quite busy with work. After the new year, I have only seen him 3 times because of various events that occurred that made us both busy. He also lives an hour away from me in the city.

This morning I just emailed him to ask if I could spend some time with him this coming weekend. He told me that he was starting his CFA course for the next 5 weeks (which he never mentioned to me until now) and that he would be doing that every saturday from 10am-5pm and then he would be at work on Sunday as he has projects there he needs to work on. He did say that if I wished I could come over after 5pm on Saturday but he would have to leave in the morning again to go to work.

I mean I totally understand he has to take this CFA class to get his CFA, and I know there isn't anything he can do about it, but I feel like there just is no time for me in his life. I know he said that I can come over once he gets back from his class, but I just feel kind of sad I guess that the next 5 weeks, we really cannot spend any time together whatsoever. Has anyone been in a similar situation? How have you got through it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-02-2006 - 8:44am

wind1valley...

PG is going to toss out a man's opinion....which you're welcome to accept or reject.

If you TRULY UNDERSTAND that your b/f has to take a 5-week CFA class in order to obtain his CFA...give him the 5 weekends to do it! On the next free weekend, arrange for a celebration that the 2 of you can participate in together!

5 weeks of not seeing you doesn't necessarily indicate your b/f is interested in a life-long separation!!!

Pianoguy

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-02-2006 - 12:26pm

This is hardly the first time this issue has come up with this guy, so why are you upset about it NOW? I mean, heck, if you've only seen each other 3 times since Jan 1, the chance to spend Sat evening and Sat night with him seems like a LOT of time together!! So that doesn't make sense to me.

Or is it the larger issue of realizing this is how things are ALWAYS going to be with him? I know I've said this to you before...but you either need to accept him AS IS, or move on.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Thu, 03-02-2006 - 12:33pm
The issue is that if he had wrote that email and then said "But, we can maybe grab dinner sometime during the week or have brunch sunday morning, I can go to work a little later" however, he does not make that effort. At this point, I feel that I need to have an open conversation about this with him and really really just lay it on the table. I am not sure if I will go see him on Saturday, if I do, the talk will happen then. I might not go and wait until next weekend (he might not have to work on Sunday) and then have the discussion with him. If still after our discussion there is no resolution, then it is time for me to move on. It will hurt a lot, but I am at my wits end with this...I always feel secondary. Of course, his course is extremely important for his career, but I feel secondary when it comes to everything else as well...This is the last chance I am giving this relationship, I am so tired of feeling like the only one who cares whether him and I have quality time together.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-02-2006 - 12:40pm

I can totally understand feeling that way...but I also think he's shown you over the years that this is how he is, so the chances of him changing are not good. But if you need to have a talk with him to feel you gave it your all before walking away, then that's what you need to do.

I've been hanging out recently with a guy who is just NOT interested in making a relationship a priority and while the time we spend together is fun, that wouldn't work for me long-term, that's for sure. I'm not taking it personally, because I can tell he's had this issue with women in his life before, but I just need more attention! So it's ok, if annoying, for a fling but not long-term.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Thu, 03-02-2006 - 1:11pm

He does have a busy schedule but why didn't he tell you about the course he was going to take -it involves you.

,
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Thu, 03-02-2006 - 1:49pm

Yeah, I know what you mean...I do not think he will change. However, by having this talk, at least I can have my own peace of mind that YES, I did try but that effort just was not reciprocated back. He means the world to me, he really does and we have been through so much, but I do love him. However, I need to tell him that I NEED to and WANT to feel like he wants this relationship as well.

While I understand that these next 5 weeks are extremely busy for him, he cannot just "forget" about me for that time, there are ALWAYS ways to spend time with someone you want to spend time with. I mean he does text me or call me during the week, so it isn't like he just ignores me all the time.

Thinking about it, I may not go visit him this weekend since he has to be at work for sure on Sunday. I think I will wait until next weekend and see what the situation is and then go visit him. I also need to take a step back and look at this situation in a perspective before I have this discussion. I am also PMSing (lol) right now, so every little thing makes me cry, and I do not want to be irrational while having the convo with him, it needs to be an adult to adult talk and not where I am get ridiculously emotional for no reason. Do you agree with me, that I am better off waiting another week and also seeing what happens when he doesn't see me for 2 weeks? Thanks so much for your input.!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Thu, 03-02-2006 - 2:23pm

**Update**

I told you that I sent my boyfriend an Email basically saying that I would not come over this weekend since he has to be at work so early on Sunday and that maybe next weekend I can come over. He replied back to me and said "Ok, I will make sure I do not come to work next weekend then".
So that makes me feel a whole lot better about the situation as I know he is very busy with work right now AND taking his class. However, I still will have a discussion and tell him that yes, I felt hurt that he did not mention to me that he was taking the CFA class...

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2005
Fri, 03-03-2006 - 11:47pm

Crazy schedules and career

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