Normal first-date behavior?
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Normal first-date behavior?
| Mon, 10-16-2006 - 10:35am |
I am just getting back into dating after my 5-year relationship ended almost 6 months ago. I went on a first date with this guy the other night. His idea for the date was to take a walk at a park, go to dinner, and see a community theater play. When I showed up, I noticed that he was wearing jeans , a tee-shirt, and sneakers. Is this normal attire for a date? Maybe it's just me, but when I go out with someone, I get dressed nicely - shouldn't the guy do the same? So I felt a little uncomfortable about getting dressed up. Another thing was that he brought two bikes on the back of his car and was like "I wasn't sure if you wanted to go for a bike ride". Did it ever occur to him that a girl going on a date wouldn't be wearing bike riding attire? Not to be mean, but some guys seem so dense sometimes. Other than these things, the date was fine. I'm not sure how I feel about him - I think he is very intelligent, interesting, and we have a lot of things in common - I think he is the type that I may grow to have feelings for rather than having instant attraction. I couldn't really read him too well though, as to how he felt about me. A couple of times he touched my arm while talking to me, and at one point during the play he rubbed his finger along my hand. At the end of the date though, he didn't try to kiss me. If he was interested in me, wouldn't he have kissed me? I'm not saying I wanted him to because I always like to take things very slow, especially after a major breakup, but I'm just trying to gage how he felt about me. And you'll have to forgive me, I have been out of the dating scene for so long, and to be honest, I always wound up having realtionships rather than a lot of dating experience. Any advice/insights? Thanks for listening.

This man could have dressed up a bit more for the date. Most people dress up just a bit to go into a nice restaurant or theatre..
If this man wanted to take a bike ride he should have said so before the date began as it involves different clothes altother.. Bike riding is a bit different than going to the theatre or out to eat. I would have politely refused as well and I am an avid bike rider myself.
I can't tell what he should have done when the date ended because I can't see what happened.
IMHO, some men don't know how to dress up for a date and think that dressing "comfortly" is OK. I once had first date with a man who showed up in sweats, a t-shirt, a jacket and dirty sneakers! I was dressed up casually and not sporting dirty shoes. The second date went better, although he kept on wearing the same dirty sneakers and thought about running a marathon on our way to catch a subway. The quasithird date was the one that gave me the clue that "this is it". He asked me to "hold us a table" at the restaurant 1 hour before his arrival. I dumped him like a hot potato. He was shocked and had no clue what his behavior was. He told me to be more respectful of others time and persona....hmmmm.
Perhaps, your man doesn't date that much and is clueless on what to wear. Not all men kiss goodnight on the first date. The guy I talk about wouldn't give a hug or a hand shake at the end of the night, BUT offered to rent a movie to watch at his place. Weird, huh!
I wouldn't focus on what the man may think about me but rather in what I think about the man. If you don't like his style it's up to you to keep on seeing him OR not.
Nowadays, jeans are perfectly acceptable on a first date, depending on where you're going. All the activities on your date could be done in casual clothes.
And about the bikes... he didn't say "Let's go bike-riding." He said he brought the bikes IN CASE you wanted to bike ride. I know... it was a bit unorthodox, but I don't think it was a bad thing.
In general, this guy sounds he might be a little too laid back for your tastes. And my guess is you seemed a bit more "formal" or traditional than what he was expecting. Could be why he didn't try to kiss you.
How did you two meet? Did you discuss your lifestyles at all?
Finally, for the future, if a man is planning the date, I think it's perfectly fine to ask how you should dress. And if you're making the arrangements, you should tell your date what kind of place you're going to and mention whether it's a jeans or slacks kinda place. JMO.
Yes, his attire was a little casual, but as others have said, depending on where you were going, not inappropriate for what you were doing.