Not able to let go
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Not able to let go
| Thu, 07-22-2004 - 9:31am |
I was dating a guy for about 4-1/2 months, not a real long time but I have to say I fell head over heals for him. I had never felt this way in my life (I'm 39) and I truly believed we were going to always be together. The last few weeks, I felt he was being inconsiderate of my feelings and things were a little suspicious. He travels once in a while with work and the last straw for me was his last trip. He was gone for a week and when he returned, I didn't even get a phone call. I had always contacted him on his cell phone and he had turned that off. I found out he went to party with his friends. My feelings were hurt and I broke it off with him. I felt that if he didn't care enough to even call after being out of town for a week, then he didn't care enough. The problem is I have not been able to let go (I have no idea why). I work with him, although I don't really see him (he's in the building in the back). When I do see him, I try to be friendly but he always gives me a real serious look and mumbles hi. I know he is seeing someone now, so why does he feel it necessary to act like he hates me? It's been three months since I broke it off, and still every time I see him I feel hurt and betrayed. He doesn't say anything to me unless I speak first. He's done stupid things (I feel just for digs) such as a few weeks ago I saw on my cell phone he had called (which I thought was weird) so I called him back and he acted like he didn't know who I was and said he had not called. Please help me to move past this and find happiness. (I've gotten to the point of thinking of quitting my job). Any advise is appreciated.

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I have the experience of having a 16 year relationship break up and being heartbroken and still having to see him because of the kids. But time really did heal the gap and now we can co parent amicably. Hang in there and it'll happen to you, too. I wouldn't change my job unless I could get something better lined up elsewhere.
Go out with your friends with the intention of having a good time and not so much to just find a guy. When you stop looking and start being happy with yourself then the men will come.
However, you need to find comfort in being by yourself. Get to know you again. Get to like yourself again. I find that when I start going crazy for company I force myself to do things by myself with my own agenda. I went and saw Spiderman 2 alone- and THOUROUGHLY enjoyed myself. I used to enjoy my OWN company once upon a time ago and forgot how nice it was sometimes. Yes, it's nice to have someone to spend time with and yes, it's frustrating when you can't get anyone to do anything. When you become comfortable and happy with yourself again, you will draw others to you.
But I do know what you mean about friends with partners. I had a friend from out of town come visit with her boyfriend, and out of a 5 day visit spent one hour alone with her. Such is life, I guess....
So grab a book and take yourself out for coffee. Go sit in a park or at the beach if you have one, and lie in the sun.
Recognize that YOU are choosing to be a VICTIM here. You initiated the break up yet view all of his actions as being about you, against you or in spite of you. Until you stop this self-destructive behavior you will not be able to move forward with personal integrity, respect and strength.
The chances of him putting up a wedding invitation on a bulletin board for the sole purpose of rubbing it in your face is slim to none. You are making the choice to perceive it that way. If it were you getting married, you would be doing virtually the exact same thing. You would be happy and announcing it to whomever would listen.
You dumped him so why would you care what choices he makes. So stop playing victim and get on with it for your better well being.
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