Not able to let go

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
Not able to let go
15
Thu, 07-22-2004 - 9:31am
I was dating a guy for about 4-1/2 months, not a real long time but I have to say I fell head over heals for him. I had never felt this way in my life (I'm 39) and I truly believed we were going to always be together. The last few weeks, I felt he was being inconsiderate of my feelings and things were a little suspicious. He travels once in a while with work and the last straw for me was his last trip. He was gone for a week and when he returned, I didn't even get a phone call. I had always contacted him on his cell phone and he had turned that off. I found out he went to party with his friends. My feelings were hurt and I broke it off with him. I felt that if he didn't care enough to even call after being out of town for a week, then he didn't care enough. The problem is I have not been able to let go (I have no idea why). I work with him, although I don't really see him (he's in the building in the back). When I do see him, I try to be friendly but he always gives me a real serious look and mumbles hi. I know he is seeing someone now, so why does he feel it necessary to act like he hates me? It's been three months since I broke it off, and still every time I see him I feel hurt and betrayed. He doesn't say anything to me unless I speak first. He's done stupid things (I feel just for digs) such as a few weeks ago I saw on my cell phone he had called (which I thought was weird) so I called him back and he acted like he didn't know who I was and said he had not called. Please help me to move past this and find happiness. (I've gotten to the point of thinking of quitting my job). Any advise is appreciated.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 4:24pm
I am not playing victim and I never said I was the one who thought he was rubbing it in my face. Everyone at work feels that way because of things he has said to them, nothing that I have heard. Not to mention I would not be stupid enough to marry someone I had known for less than two months. Make sure you understand what you are reading before being quick to jump on someone's case. Maybe you should walk in someone's shoes before you are so quick to judge. As I said at the beginning of my post, This message is an update. That is all it is.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 4:53pm
I paid specific attention to the last line in your update post that said - "And why on earth would he still want to hurt me if he really is marrying this girl?"

So answer 1 question for me please - yes or no - Do you believe that he posted the invitation with the direct intent to hurt you or rub it in your face?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 5:22pm
From knowing him, yes I believe he posted it to rub it in my face. As to hurt me, I don't care one way or the other because it's quite obvious he's a loser. That last line was with sarcasm. I never once said that I believed that. I said that's what other people were telling me. I don't understand why people would think that. I'm just the kind of person who needs understanding in my life. I thought that's what this board was all about? Not for someone to jump on and give someone a hard time. Whatever happened to "If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything"? Maybe you should stop trying to read people's minds. I also thought this was a message board for women?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-29-2004
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 5:48pm
You are very lucky you broke it off.

And for someone to get married so soon after dating someone is not a good sign for a good marriage and especially if she is house hopping.

I do feel bad for you that you have to work with him.

Even tho you broke off the relationship (good for you) it has to hurt that he was such a jerk to you. no matter who ends the relationship it is still hurtful for both parties.

You hurt his ego and he hurt your feelings.

I would now put all my energy into finding someone you will be good for you.

Life is wayyyyyyyyyyyy to short to put any energy and time toward romances that didn't work.

Next year you will be dating someone else and look back at this and wonder why the heck you gave this so much of your time.

Believe me I have been there many many times and you know men are like buses another one will be by soon.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 8:51pm
catgirl...

You've got 3 erroneous issues here...

1. You expect ivillagers to react the way you want them to.

2. You don't want any negativity.

3. You assumed the boards are just for women.

Sorry to disappoint you...but all 3 of your issues don't hold water. Most people who post on a relationship board would like to have an opinion from an 'unbiased' person. Our opinions are formed through the words you use...and the situations you've been in. Sooo..

If you HONESTLY want understanding in your life, then give yourself permission to accept the ideas of others...irregardless of whether they happen to be what YOU want to hear.

Pianoguy

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