Not attracted to him anymore
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| Sat, 07-30-2005 - 1:00am |
Hi, I have been with my fiance for 5 years now and we have been engaged for 1 year.We just graduated college and are adjusting being in the working world now. He is 23 and I'm 24 about to turn 25 in a few days. I really enjoy the time we spend together. We do something with each other everyday. I laugh around him, we both like to play golf and tennis together. For about 10 months I have been thinking of my EX and wanting to see him again. I just recently felt like I haven't been attracted to my fiance anymore. Sometimes I feel like he's boring and when he wants to have sex he does the same thing all the time. We watch a movie or something at his house and then he just stares at me and starts kissing me or we will talk a while and then he will kiss me and stuff. I used to like it but I don't feel attracted to him anymore. But I keep calling him everyday to hang out and do things with him.
I never really knew if I was in love with him. He is everything that I want in a boyfriend, but he does have some flaws like being bossy, sometimes tight with money even though he has a lot of it. I know there isn't a perfect guy. I just want to know if I'm really in love with him.
Also, he isn't a good kisser really and I've been wanting to talk to him about it for a long time but haven't. I didn't want to hurt his feelings. I think there are a lot of things we haven't talked about that we just ignore, which isn't good.
We just started going to marriage classes at church. We are both Catholic. At our first marriage class, we had to introduce ourselves and tell good qaulities about each other and why we love each other and I could not think of a lot. I think I just couldn't think of the words to say at that moment. But maybe that is a sign. Also we haven't set a wedding date yet and we've been engaged for a year. I haven't been too excited about the wedding, like normal girls would but I think it's because I don't know who to have for bridesmaids and It might be a little wedding since I have a small family.
Msybe if I took a break from him for awhile and just did things for myself I could see how I feel about him and maybe see other people, and then if I still feel that I really like him I would know that I loved him. I have been with him all through college and all we would do on weekends would be to watch a movie and just hang out at his apartment all the time. I never got to go to clubs or bars with friends or have any friends because I would always be with him and I never got to date anyone else in college. I have always been with him.

Well you really have a good time together and have a lot in common. He treats you well and seems really in love with you. That may be the problem. He may seem too "safe" for you. For most people safe = predictable and boring. You've hardly dated other guys besides him and you've dated 5 years. So there is no mystery with him but there is plenty of mystery out there. What was your ex like? Did he seem a bit aloof? Like you could never get too comfortable in knowing he's your bf? A lot of girls think that guys who want a commitment are sappy, not a good kisser, lacking adventure, etc...
Sure their are issues that need work (his bossiness and tightwadishness), but like you said no one is perfect and I can think of plenty of traits that are far worse. You must have loved him (or at least liked him a LOT) to date him for 5 years. This guy sounds like a good catch and you can enjoy a long life together. You may be throwing a good future hubby away, but only you can decide that. And remember, kissing can improve with time.
It sounds like you just "settled down" with your fiancee too soon... before you actually had a chance to live, be single, date, and do things on your OWN as an adult.
You were barely 20 years old when you met him.
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