not enough time.
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not enough time.
| Fri, 10-29-2004 - 8:56am |
he just broke up with me about a week ago, maybe less, stating the reason as he is not ready for a relationship. i thought it was sort of shady, and i was sure that it was because he just wasn't interested in me anymore. so, on Wednesday, i went out with one of my friends. he (my friend) and i hung out all day, and i was feeling really good. i was starting to feel like everything woud be ok and that it would be just fine if my ex and i stayed friends. then, my ex happened to show up to go out and play pool with my buddy. at first i was ok, but when they left the room, i bursted into tears and couldn't stop bawling. i felt so stupid. i didn't want him to see me that way. i wouldn't talk to him or look at him, and i refused to go out with them that night. but i felt bad that i didn't talk to him, although he wanted to talk to me, so i waited for him outside, and we talked.
i told him that i didn't think his reason for breaking up with me was the total truth. i told him that it was ok if he told me, because in the end, i would find out about the lie, and we would have a harder time being friends. so, he told me that it was partly because he didn't have enough time. he said all he has been doing is work, work, work, and it makes him mad that he doesn't have enough time for me. he says that i deserve a lot of attention, and someone who can see me whenever they want. and then he told me that it was also because he didn't want to ruin our friendship. he said that "we would keep going for a while and then we'd get into a fight and break up and end up hating each other and never speaking again." i told him that that was silly, and you can't keep doing that in your relationships; that you need to go out on a limb and just hope for the best, and that i never could hate him. and i told him (about the other reason) that it didn't matter if he could only see me once a week for a little while, it's just a little speed bump, and we can get through it. eventually, he would have more time and we could see each other more often. but he said he still felt guilty about it; i got a little upset, and i was going to leave but he stopped me. he talked to me, stressing that he really didn't want to never talk to me again after this. he said he likes me very much and wants to be friends. i did call him yesterday, but because i forgot my CDs with him. i just don't know what to do.
i think that he is just being insecure and wants to have a prefect relationship; one with no obstacles or problems at all. well, there really isn't such a thing, and i just don't know how to show him that. i want to be with him, and i think he really likes me still, because of how much he is stressing on staying friends with me. i think he is just really confused at the moment. what do you think? what should i do?? any advice??
i told him that i didn't think his reason for breaking up with me was the total truth. i told him that it was ok if he told me, because in the end, i would find out about the lie, and we would have a harder time being friends. so, he told me that it was partly because he didn't have enough time. he said all he has been doing is work, work, work, and it makes him mad that he doesn't have enough time for me. he says that i deserve a lot of attention, and someone who can see me whenever they want. and then he told me that it was also because he didn't want to ruin our friendship. he said that "we would keep going for a while and then we'd get into a fight and break up and end up hating each other and never speaking again." i told him that that was silly, and you can't keep doing that in your relationships; that you need to go out on a limb and just hope for the best, and that i never could hate him. and i told him (about the other reason) that it didn't matter if he could only see me once a week for a little while, it's just a little speed bump, and we can get through it. eventually, he would have more time and we could see each other more often. but he said he still felt guilty about it; i got a little upset, and i was going to leave but he stopped me. he talked to me, stressing that he really didn't want to never talk to me again after this. he said he likes me very much and wants to be friends. i did call him yesterday, but because i forgot my CDs with him. i just don't know what to do.
i think that he is just being insecure and wants to have a prefect relationship; one with no obstacles or problems at all. well, there really isn't such a thing, and i just don't know how to show him that. i want to be with him, and i think he really likes me still, because of how much he is stressing on staying friends with me. i think he is just really confused at the moment. what do you think? what should i do?? any advice??

A relationoship isn't a goal. IT doesn't make you what you're not at the core.
A relationships is a JOB....it requires that you consider yoru partners needs, feelings, beliefs, and goals equallyy with your own - and that you must at all times make compromises to YOUR personal options and opportunities - for the "sake" of the partner" because the relationship is important to you.
And this is why people your age tend to get into such an emotional state about "relationships".
Girls think it offers them something - security, social status, someone to always "be there and support and love you". They don't see it as a huge sacrifice to walk to class with him - even if they're late to their own class, etc.
Guys think it "requires" something of them - it means that they can't just go and hang out with their buddies and do whatever they want, whenever they want and everything they do they have to be "thinking about how itll affect her" (because if it upsets you - you're going to be upset with him and he doesn't want you upset with him because that's a pain in the butt).
So at your age....relationships end quick. Because they're not really relationships.
They're two people "dating" - which is enjoying the fun, sex companionship, conversations, events, and interests with someone - but it's not about "forming a future and emotionally bonding" with them as an individual.
Girls because hey see a relationship as a desirable status quo, and they think it is a goal - tend to more immediately bond and invest and consider the future and their partner right away. They're "working to get a future with this person" - and so they bond and invest and sacrifice and make effort for that "future" - in the present.
Guys because they see it at first as we're having fun, sex, companionship, the flirtation is great, and everybody thinks I'm a stud, and she thinks I'm just all that - they see this as a "situation they want to continue". But the longer that dating goes on - the more you expect them to alter their plans, hold your hand, "talk" about deep subjects, and are wanting to find out "where this is going".
The guy was never "goig anywhere with it" - he was living in the moment, enjoying the moment -but now that there is wokr, effort, and requirement - he's enjoying the moment alot less.
So learn to date - so that you enjoy dating and objectively assess the character of the people you date - so that when you do decide that a relationship is something you want - you choose somene wh's character you trust, and who's values you share.
Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com