Not even "Harry & Sally"
Find a Conversation
| Wed, 10-06-2004 - 12:11pm |
A guy and I have been hanging out for about 2 months - once a week to 4 days in a row. At first, he rarely called. Later, he started to call every weekend and now even some days during the week. There were no holding hands, a next-to-none times of hugs (LOL), and surely no kissings. I am starting to get VERY frustrated by not knowing whether we are buddies or more than friends. In fact, I find myself losing some interest.
My guy friend has no problem suggesting plans, normally at the last minute though. He always let me know he'd like to see me. He does not display his emotions. I even told him that I found him cold. I do not like playing mind games but he seems liking to keep his feelings private.
My girl pals say that I should ask him directly. Some say that I should ditch him. A guy friend says that I should kiss him. (??? what's in his mind ??? hahahaha) A friend of his says that he probably is playing hard to get (?! eyes rolling !?).
So, what would you - my ivillage friends, suggest me to do to make this situation less vague? Guys? Ladies? THANK YOU ALL! *HUGz*

He calls you to hang out only at the last minute if he has nothing better to do. And naturally, whenever he calls - you're available.
There's one 'service' that you're providing him with. He's got a guarantee of osmeone to hang out with that hangs on his every word and is anticipating his every need, and is staring in worshipful adoration....if he wants that, if there is nothing better for him to do.
He's not "ding anything to you" - you're just wanting something he doesn't want and refusing to face facts.
Why you're so reluctant not to be so available...is because you're afraid that the first time that you say "no" - he won't EVER CALL AGAIN. And that would end all your speculation/projection/assumption that you term "hope" of having a relationship. Which you can't get - because he doesn't want it.
Now honestly, why would a guy be afraid to make a move on you - with you sitting there in open adoration, available every time he calls at the last minute? If he's not afraid to call and hang out - why would he be afraid to "make a move?"
Here's why....becuase HE DOES NOT WANT TO DATE OR HAVE A RELATIONSHIP. If he did, he'd ask you out on a date and make it clear it is a date - because it's a preplanned event and he makes it known with open cmmunication. He's good about communicating "hey, do you want to hang out at the bar"....why not "would you like to have dinner and catch a movie Friday night" - when he calls on Tuesday afternoon!
What you're seeing in the differentiation in advice - is a different thinking pattern and process in men and women. If you want to understand men - think like them!
Your girlfriends are saying "don't kiss, hug or cuddle - ask him outright what your status is"....those girlfiends are saying "there is no friendship, there is attraction based interaction that is designed to get a relationship and if I can't get that, I want to know, so that I don't waste more time."
Your guy friend is saying "kiss him and see what happens". HEre's why - an offer accepted is not a contractual agreement for repeat or involvement. So....listen up....ANYTIME IN LIFE....that you sit there offering your time, your lips, your body, or your efforts to a guy that is NOT making it plain with honest communication that he's interested in you in the way that you are intrested in him...what you're doing is "presenting an offer"...you're "offering a service".
And someone who takes an offer, or accepts a service - is not contractually obligated to repeat the process, the performance, or to be under contractual obligation to now "take this to another level".
Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com
Err... he did ask me to get together this past Saturday and I said no. He called Sunday and reached my message box. Then Monday he said we should get together this coming weekend, whenever I can, to work on something. That is some improvement I guess.
I'll love to hear from you again and any other iVillage friends out there. Great day!