Not Fun for me anymore

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2004
Not Fun for me anymore
1
Mon, 12-06-2004 - 8:44pm

Here is the deal, first off I am guy I hope you women can give me some advice:

1. This girl, J and I started dating 2 months ago
2. J and I have been friends online and through for 3 years prior to this
3. J and I had met a few times in person the last time being 2 years ago
4. At this party J made huge play for me despite the fact she had a b/f and I had a g/f at the time. Yes we were both having problems with our s.o.'s but it just did not feel right.
5. A month later J broke up with him and went exploring for about 4 months
6. She then started dating this guy for about a year and half who eventually became her fiance.
7. In August of this year she broke up with him because he moved back to his home country and she was trying to wait for him to return(but it does not look like he will be able to return)
8. She immediately started date a guy that was not for her. He mistreated her even though she kept telling me they were perfect.
9. After they broke up she and I got together and started dating.
10. From the beginning there were problems:
a. She was not completely over the guy she dated for a month
b. Then she started telling me she is not over the love her life in the guy that is out of the country.
c. For the 2 months of this relationship she would vacilate between telling me she and I should not be dating/sleeping with each other/ hanging out with each other. To telling me she loved me and that I am her best friend and lover.
11. Two weeks ago she decided to go to Japan for a week in december and January to see if they can salvage their relationship. She told me she had to see if this was over
12. We agreed to continue sleeping with each other and being best friends and lovers
13. Then out of the blue over the weekend she cancels our plans for sunday last minute and tell me she needs time to be alone.
14. I confront her to find out that she does not need time alone but she hads a date with a guy she met at the bar she works at. And they have a connection.

Some other detail she is 21 1/2 and I just turned 27. We both are college students with a year and half left. She is undergrad and I am grad. We do not go to the same school. We live and hour apart.

My gut has told me from the begining that this is the right relationship to be in but my mind tells me to getout and that she is too young. I do not know I am hurt and confused. I also realize that all things hint at an underlying problem. I am trying to move on but man this just feels right. And my gut tells me to stick aorund. I am being crazy aren't I?

HELP JUST GIMME SOME IDEAS!!!

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 12-06-2004 - 11:35pm

Sweetie, she's a mess and in no emotional shape to be in a healthy r'ship. Maybe it's because she's young, or maybe she has some issues she needs to deal with, but either way, she's not a good partner for *anyone* right now.

Sheri