Not Infatuated...is this good?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2004
Not Infatuated...is this good?
2
Sun, 08-01-2004 - 2:12am
I met a really nice guy last weekend on vacation. He lives a few hours from me, but we get along really great and we've been talking everynight. I like him alot, but I don't find myself infaturated with him. I think about him ALOT...but he's not the only thing on my mind. Yet when I talk to my friends, I always talk about him and I seem really obsessed. We're taking things slow, we went out on one date while we were up there, but right now we're just getting to know eachother. The first few days after I met him I thought about him alot, but the past few days I haven't been thinking about him as much. Is this normal? I'm DEFINATELY interested in him...he's really great.I'm just a few months out of an abusive relationship, so I'm not quite away of that the "norm" is. Any advice would help! Thanks!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2004
Sun, 08-01-2004 - 7:52am
There is no rule that says you have to be enfatuated after a first date!! Actually, it's very good you're only interested and not infatuated so soon, because you don't know him well!! You both are starting to know each other, and not beeing infatuated so soon makes it more easy to take things slow. Infatuation very soon only leads to early sex and not so clearly appreciations about the other person. When you feel infatuated very soon, it's clearly a signal that you think you know the other person, and this is a illusion, because you've only dated one time!

If you are interested and think about him, continue dating him and knowing better. With time, and by knowing him better you can become feeling infatuated, but with what he really is, and not what you think he is. You can also never become infatuated and win a good friend. Everything can happens. Just start dating and focus on knowing him and having a good time, not if you feel or not infatuated, it's way too soon for that. Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2004
Sun, 08-01-2004 - 11:33am
Thanks for your input! One of the reasons I'm so confused is that the first few days after I met him, I was VERY infatuated with him, but since I haven't seen him it's starting to get back to the "normal" level of interest. I've been asking my friends for advice, and they all seem to agree that I'm over analyzing this situation all too much. Has anyone else coming out of a long term abusive relationship had this problem with the next person they dated? Thanks!