Not in Love yet Unable to Leave :(
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| Tue, 08-23-2005 - 4:15am |
I am hoping to get an idea about what my next step should be. I am so confused!
Life feels like a mess and I cannot concentrate on anything, even my job search.
I don't know why I have the pattern of gettin into relationships half-heartedly. After my last breakup (which was a half-hearted one too), in my anger and pain I immediately put my ad in the personals (how stupid of me) and met this guy. I did not feel all fluttery or greatly attracted to him right from day one. As we got familiar with each other on the phone, he eventually proposed to drive down to my city so we could meet and see where things go. Before I could say anything, (because I really wasn't ready) he said "I am coming". Fast forward....6 months. We are together. He is in love. Took us some trying times before I could get adjusted in a new relationship. He knows I am the one. He wants to get married. Me? Committed but confused as ever. Not giving my best to him. Saying "I love you" half-heartedly so he does not feel hurt.
The reason I am unable to break it off with him: Overall, we make a good pair. He is a fine man. We are a good team together. People look at us with admiring glances when we are out. And ofcourse, I am afraid I might be making a mistake if I let him go, and lose him forever.
He lives far from me. Almost a 12 hour drive. I have been making things Very Difficult for him by always complaining about the distance on the phone and making him feel guilty for forcing this relationship on me when I had mentioned that long distance was going to be hard. He says he is sorry but he can't do anything about it. Meeting for 2-3 days every few weeks: Is that a relationship? Not really. He plans to work there for another year or so before he looks for another job in a different city.
I sometimes feel I am making things difficult for him, so he gets fed up and breaks up with me. I start all the fights that we have. I really don't know how he is still bearing the irritable me. (Sometimes I also wonder if my irritability has to do with my being unemployed right now. I am always stressed) Makes me wonder, if he does stick around, will I eventually have to marry him? I always felt I wanted to marry the man I Loved dearly. I don't love him......but, I am unable to leave him either. I am afraid I might be letting a good thing go.
Sometimes when I get upset a lot, he always tells me that if I am really unhappy, I should tell him so he wont bother me anymore. When he says that, I just get quiet.
I am really confused about what my next step should be...
Any thoughts on this...
On how I can straighten myself and my life out..

Wow, poor guy.
I think you should tell him what you wrote here. He deserves someone who loves him, not someone who's hanging on so she doesn't have to be alone.
It sounds like counseling would do you could as far as getting your life together.
Sheri
I think you ought to let him go. Get your life together, find a job and wait a few months to see how you feel about things.
If you still feel that he might be the one for you, you can give him a call and see if he is still available, but a 12 hour drive can be too much to try to begin a relationship.
Good luck.
You are giving him a hard time so he will leave you alone? Please let him go before he proposes to you and then you end up saying "yes" for exactly the same reasons you are with him right now...the wrong ones!!! You are living a lie and dragging him to the bottom with you. You will do yourself and him a favor by letting it go. Hon, I know it is hard because change is always hard but in the long run, you are better off!!!
Good luck!
~T~