"not ready for a serious relationship"
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| Sun, 07-30-2006 - 7:13pm |
Sorry this is long... I'm just hoping someone can look at my situation with a fresh perspective and give me a little advice. :) Thanks!
I've known this guy for almost a year now, we've been "hanging out" for most of that time. By hanging out, I mean we'll have a dinner date or movie night or something like that every few weeks... but it's never been a consistent kinda thing. We mess around sometimes but we've never slept together. He's one of those guys who seems a little hard to read. But the more I get to know him, the more I like him... we're very similar in a lot of ways, and I think there could be potential for something more serious. I like him a lot, but I haven't really let myself open up as much as I could because I'm a little unsure of where things are going.
Here's the issue... About two months ago, we were out having dinner and he brought up the subject of relationships. Specifically, he told me that he wasn't "ready for a serious relationship right now." He kept insisting that he likes me a lot, but he just wanted to make sure that I knew what his position was for the time being.
Of course, having read my share of Cosmo articles over the years, I interpreted this as him saying "I don't want a relationship with YOU." (Keep in mind that we had never even discussed our relationship status up until this point -- it definitely wasn't like I was pressuring him or anything!) So I got a little annoyed and we ended up getting into a fight about it, with him saying that I was overreacting. He insisted that he "just wanted to be honest" with me, and that he wanted us to continue seeing each other -- just not be in a serious relationship right now.
Well after that I didn't talk to him for several weeks, and I wasn't really planning to for a while... I just felt a bit rejected. Then he called me a week or two ago and we started talking again. I hung out with him this weekend and we "talked" some more about our situation. He still keeps saying that he doesn't want a serious relationship, but he insists that he likes me a LOT and wants us to be dating.
The big issue at the moment is the fact that we haven't really done anything sexually yet. I want to, believe me, but I've kinda been holding back because I don't want it to become one of those casual-sex relationships where the guy never wants to make it more serious because he's already getting what he wants. My gut tells me that this guy isn't like that, but I'm not totally sure. I've just never slept with anyone that I wasn't already IN a relationship with -- maybe I'm being weird, but I'm not used to hooking up with guys that I'm only casually dating!
It's just SO frustrating, because I literally have two voices in my head right now... one is telling me "he just wants to get some, don't fall for it -- he's never going to want a real relationship" and the other one is telling me "you like him, he likes you, just give it a shot and see what happens."
Which one should I listen to?!

You might not be engaging in sex with this man but you are offering up friendship and intimacy, so he is getting something from a no-strings-attached relationship with you.
"I'm-not-ready" means "I am going to spend time with you but will continue dating other women as well, and have no intentions of stopping". Therefore, you need to figure out whether you want a NSA relationship or whether it is time to move on and find a man who is willing to commit to dating exclusivity.