Not spending time together

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2007
Not spending time together
2
Mon, 05-21-2007 - 8:12pm

I want people's thoughts on this.

I have been dating this guy for about 1 year. We are both Hispanic, and culturally we are expected to live at home with our parents until marriage (Although I have lived independently for 7 years while going to college far away from home).

When we first started dating, my boyfriend would come over to my house to see movies, have dinner, etc. No problems or interference from my parents. However, he rarely invited me to his house in the beginning because I suspect that he thought his parents wouldn't like me. I don't think that is the case anymore (if it ever was). In the last few months, he has invited me to go to his home on several occasions which I have. His parents and I are cordial with each other . They do not make me feel uncomfortable or like I'm a nuisance they have to deal with. However, I do not dare show up at his house unannounced or uninvited by my boyfriend. It is basically like we both have roommates, but they just happen to be our parents.

Well, slowly, he stops going to see me at my house since he was inviting me to his house. But then he starts not even inviting me to his house. For example, I will tell him that we haven't seen each other in a few days, and that I would like to spend some time together, and he will tell me that he doesn't want to come over and gives me an excuse like he is tired. So I offer to go over to his place, and he tells me he doesn't want me to go over and he will give me some excuse or none at all. The problem is that this has been going on for over a month now, and the only times I see him are 2 or 3 times a week during lunch hour, and maybe we will spend every other Saturday together when he is running errands (I'm just along for company).

I am very concerned about this sudden lack of interest in our relationship (and me). Any thoughts or advice? Should I confront him about this? I don't believe there is another girl because my guy is an introvert (took him several months to ask me out). I also don't think it is our living situations with our resepctive parents.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-21-2007 - 10:38pm

txprofessional...

Pianoguy is only guessing, but it sounds like your b/f (if he really IS your boyfriend) is trying to walk the tightrope between keeping YOU and HIS PARENTS happy.

It's entirely possible that they've pressured him not to date you? So rather than get "the 3rd degree" from Mom and Dad...he's trying to balance his desire to see you with his parents' wish that he not become serious with any particular woman???

Do you know for a fact that you're the only woman he is dating right now? This could be the possible reason why he's not seeing so much of you...and vice versa?

Unless you have an exclusive---"I'm not dating anybody else" arrangement between the 2 of you...there's no reason to spend alternate Saturday nights alone! Go out with others and have fun!

Then the boy you think you're in love with will either realize how special you are...or will do what HIS MOM & DAD WANTS HIM TO? But either way...you won't be 'alone on a Saturday night!'

Best wishes and warm thoughts...

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Tue, 05-22-2007 - 11:31am
I would definitely ask him if he is still interested in dating you because he is not behaving like a boyfriend anymore.