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not sure how to leave
| Tue, 06-08-2004 - 6:57pm |
Hi there! My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year. It has had it's share of ups and downs. He has made lots of promises and which mostly have had little to no lasting actions that back up the words. Basically, he is be too busy to be with me or even an equal part of this relationship - when I've had enough I complain to him that we are on different paths in our lives and we need to part ways - then he promises to stop excluding me and he gets "better" for a while. Well, I have taken him back and taken him back and frankly I don't think this time will be any different (even though he says so). Now we live together, we signed a 14 mo lease and we are only a month into it. Probably not my best decsion to move in with him considering our history. But stupid me thought it would actually change things if we live together.
So my question would be, is it possible to co-exsist in the same apartment (2 bedroom) for the next 13 months and not be a couple anymore? See I love my apartment and I don't want to leave. Unfortunately, I can't afford it on my own right now (in the process of getting better paying job.) I figured I would decide on a "time frame" as too when I think changes should be made adn stay made. And if he slides back to the same again that's it I am done once and for all. If it is possible how would you suggest I manage to do so? Actually any advise to this mixed up life would be helpful.
Thank you! Have a great day.
iaam

If co-existance is all you want (in order to play out the term of your lease), Pianoguy assumes you two can pull it off? If you give each other permission to date different people, I guess this is possible?
But deep down...you're still going to feel a little tense, bored, or possibly like you've failed in some way...the longer you're in the same apartment with this man. Can't he buy out your portion of the lease? Or vice versa? Granted...one of you has to pack and leave for another location...but wouldn't this choice be better?
Why subject yourself to a reminder that your relationship IS NO LONGER EXCITING..OR EVEN INTERESTING?
By the way..."moving in" with ANYBODY is a crap shoot! There's a safety zone when you kiss your sweetheart goodnight and go into YOUR OWN APARTMENT. But the moment you share a place with another person...the only sacred ground is in the bathroom...and you can't hide in there indefinitely!
Pianoguy (who did the 'shared house' arrangement...and it ended HORRIBLY!)
I have a really good friend, who I talk to all the time about this. And he (he is no more then a friend) told me that I deserve to be treated like a trophy. You know one that you work so hard to win and that you charish so much you can't wait to show it off. At first I thought "I'm not a possession" then I realized what he meant. And he is right I deserve to be loved, and cared about and held with high regard. Not be a when it is convienent I'll give you attention kind of you girlfriend. So I have decided it is going to take something quite drastic for me to stay this time.
Thanks again,
iaam