not sure if he loves me for me
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not sure if he loves me for me
| Sat, 09-30-2006 - 3:14am |
So I am dating this wonderful man ...He is overseas for work for a month and a half and calls me everyday. He's taken me home to meet his parents and such..While he is away I worry a lot that he'll stray just because of my own insecurities that I have resorted to talking dirty with him over the net,suggest fun sexual things we could do when he gets back.We've done role playing stuff...very hot and steamy stuff..I'm not uncomfortable with these things but as of late it seems that's all he ever thinks about. He says he loves me and I beleive it but we're like building up these scenarios that are just so steamy and sexy I am afraid he will be dissapointed when he does get back....also I asked him to email me reasons why he loves me...a-lot of what he says is that he loved me because I love him and he can tell when I look at him I want to be with him.He says he loves the way I am willing to do things with him even if it's impractical and impossible ( I guess he is referring to the fact we're doing this crazy long distance relationship for a while?) This hurts my feelings because it feels like he wants to be with me just because I want to be with him so much and I feel as if maybe he doesn't love me but just loves the idea of me and the fact that he knows he will never lose me. I feel like testing him by making him jeolous. Is this irrational or what? Like I feel as if I have to let him know that if he's not in love with me because of me plenty of other men will and it won't be because he thinks I'm a sex kitten or because I want to be with that person but they'll genuinely fall in love with me. Please help me with these wierd thoughts! Thanks

How long have you been with this guy?
Being a guy's sex kitten doesn't mean that he'll love you less... but what is really making you doubt his love? Is this the first time this has come up?
This is what I'm getting from your post and tell me if I'm wrong: It seems to me that you're doing things out of fear of him leaving and not because they're things you necessarily want to do. And now the things you've been doing have gone past your control
I understand you're trying to keep things interesting, and you want him fantasizing about you while he's away. But you're not even comfortable having phone sex! So that means you're putting on an act. What else do you talk about? It sounds like he's starting to equate talking to you with sex. Therefore, I think you're right to be concerned with the direction your relationship has taken.
You have to pull back from this side of things. The next time you talk to him, keep the conversation away from sex. If he starts up, tell him you'd rather save the steamy stuff for when you're together.
And you also want to know he loves you for the person you are... and not just because you're sexy and because you love him. I think the only way to handle this is to watch how he TREATS you. If he involves you in his life and he is involved in yours... if he listens to you and seems interested in hearing about your experiences, that means he is into YOU. Some men have difficulty putting the way they feel into words. But I don't think it's a good idea to continue to nag him to tell you what he loves you about you. That ends up sounding really insecure (which you are) and that you're BEGGING to be loved.
Finally, after 9 months, I don't think you should be playing games. Trying to make him jealous is pretty desperate, hon, and he'd probably see right through it anyway.
Wait til he comes back home and then think about whether this relationship is meeting your needs. Are you happy, or are you anxious most of the time? Perhaps you're not confident within yourself to handle being with a man who is "insanely" handsome, and especially one that travels so much.
Good luck.