Not sure if I've got that lovin feeling
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| Wed, 08-03-2005 - 10:58am |
Hi All,
I am new here to this board. I am in a 'dating place' that I have never been in before and need to sort it out a bit. Here's the deal:
Met this guy (R), tonight is our 3rd date...he seems to like me a lot. I am just not sure how I feel. See, normally I am used to being either totally into a guy or totally NOT into him. With R, I feel more of a friend vibe and a teeny 'more than a friend' vibe. He has several qualities that I want in a person and a few that I don't want.
Cons:
I hope that I don't come off too superficial here, please forgive me if I do: for one, he is shorter than me...I am so not used to that, it just feels weird to me...two, he has a daughter who he has every weekend (which doesn't totally bother me)...three, he smokes...four, he seems very disorganized, sloppy...his car is all beat up with dents and it's a total mess on the inside.
Pros:
He's very nice, considerate, caring, intelligent, a good father, good listener, easy to talk to, has a decent job; although I don't think he has much money since he has to pay child support. Seems like all of our dates have been or will be 'going dutch'...I feel uncomfortable letting him pay (although he doesn't seem to mind if I do) since he is probably pretty 'strapped' for cash.
I dunno, I just feel confused. I also don't feel totally comfortable kissing him and all. I do enjoy hanging out with him, but he doesn't have that much time for me because of his daughter and other hobbies he has. BUT, I do really like the fact that he has other interests.
I am so confused, can't you tell? I know that I should just take it day by day...I 'so' need to be more patient. I guess I am just afraid that I won't ever get 'that lovin feelin' for him and the last thing I want to do is hurt him.
Any input would be appreciated.
Thanks,
Pers

Personally, the smoking would be a total dealbreaker for me. If it's not for you, though, give it another date or two and see how you feel. It really sounds like you're leaning towards "friends" with this guy, though.
Sheri
I know it's frustrating and funny at the same time, what's wrong with us?! I had a similar situation and like you I like to have that loving feeling, ecstatic if he calls, wanting to be close to him, smell him, kiss him, happy to see him, can't get enough, etc. etc...
I met this guy and he seemed so nice, goodlooking and sophisticated (european) and very much into me, so romantic, played the piano just for me at the restaurant(perfect first date). I saw him two more times, second date we kissed, but he was trembling!! (not sure of himself or what?) so "not" remarkable kisses, in addition, he was not wearing nice clothes (for a second date you still want to impress right?), tennis shoes and sweat pants, then I get this fainty smell, like he did not shower. I said ok, we're just meeting for a drink, very casual, he was on his way to the gym, but still..... but even then I gave him a third try. We met at my church, told him before hand that he needed to dress for the occasion. He shows up with a turtle neck, leather jacket (very old and beaten) and regular pants, not tennis shoes this time, but they looked like loafers, he was stepping onto the back part of the shoes!!! The weather was almost 100 degrees and he's wearing this, still not smelling good, so he looked very odd and strange to me, not a good vibe! So the next day I thanked him for showing up and gently told him, this was not for me and good luck!
I don't know about you, but for me they have to look nice and groomed, the very little ungroomingness gets to me and I don't care if they're nice but a bad smell or sloppyness does it to me, they say that chemistry has to be in tune with all of our senses, especially if they smell good mmmm, otherwise is a turn off. So it's up to you if you are willing to put up with a lot of your no-nos on your list. Good luck.