Not sure what the right thing to do is..

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2007
Not sure what the right thing to do is..
3
Mon, 04-16-2007 - 2:34pm
Okay... kinda in the midst of an emotional affair. I'm single, he's not. I was attracted to him but kept my distance knowing he was in a relationship. We made out once but I stopped it before we actually had sex. I never thought that one make-out session would be the beginning of a friendship like this. We talk all the time about anything and everything. We are never at a loss for words. We both agree that we are more than friends at this point but we aren't hooking up in the sexual sense at all. Just He's a very nice guy and we have a lot in common but he lives with her. Supposedly they are moving out... apart but haven't decided what moving out means exactly. In my eyes, it means its over but i think they both are scarred to admit it. So they are going through the motions. Its a very confusing situation for me because I didn't want to like him, tried not to but I do and now I don't know what to do from here. I never initiate any contact. I haven't pursued him at all. But I always answer when he calls. He's flat out told me that he likes me, a lot. I could definitely see something pretty good with him in the future. what should I do? How much time should I give him or myself? do emotional affairs ever turn into real relationships?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Mon, 04-16-2007 - 5:35pm

Sure emotional relatinships turn into real relationships - it is nice to know his attraction to you is about you and not what you do for him in bed. If it were me, I would make sure that they are through with each other and he has his own place. Just remember how your relationship began with him, that it started while he was involved with someone else. An emotional affair is still an affair to his girlfriend.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-1999
Tue, 04-17-2007 - 5:20pm

I was the one hurt by the emotional affair 2 men I was involved with years ago had. It hurt pretty damn bad.

YOu know what hte right thing to do is - its the thing you don't WANT to do. The right thing is to do what you would want someone else to do if hte tables were turned. Always treat others with dignity and respect and integrity. it doesn't matter what you 'think' they are doing or should do - he is not available. Yet he is building a bond with you at someone else's expense and you are encouraging it. Anything you gain at hte expense of someone else is short lived gain.

Do everyone a favor - take yourself out of the equation. If he is going to leave her, it needs to be for the right reasons, not becaus esomeone else is lurking in the shadows. And think about this - if he does this WITH you then he could very well find someone else to talk to when things get dicey with you.

Step out of hte picture until he is a fully free man. That is the right thing to do. There is no dignity, respect or integrity about affairs - emotional or otherwise.

Toni

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Tue, 04-17-2007 - 6:08pm
"Yet he is building a bond with you at someone else's expense and you are encouraging it. Anything you gain at hte expense of someone else is short lived gain." - exactly my thoughts