Nothing to talk about?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2004
Nothing to talk about?
3
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 12:33pm
Maybe this might look like a stupid thing to worry about, but I can't stop thinking about this.

Is it normal that when I talk to my boyfriend on the phone we don't have anything to talk about? I've never been a big phone talker, actually I hate talking on the phone, but my boyfriend calls me or wants me to call him several times a day just so we can keep in touch because we can't see each other every day, but I don't know, when we talk on the phone, we usually talk about unimportant things like, "How was your day..., what did you do today... etc.", and that lasts only for about a couple of minutes, and then it's just silence... And we both can feel the awkward moments of silence but it just seems we don't have anything to say! Well, we've only been together for about 2 months, so I think we still don't feel that connection where we can talk about more personal things and feelings, so our conversations are pretty much trivial. On the other hand, when we're actually hanging out in person, we have so much fun and we always have things to talk about. It's just on the phone that we can't seem to have a conversation. The first weeks when we were just starting to know each other it was like he put more effort on making conversation so we wouldn't have those awkward moments of silence, but now if there's nothing interesting to say he just doesn't talk. Maybe this is something stupid to worry about, but I was just wondering if this is normal and happens to other couples because I don't have much experience with relationships and I really like this guy and I'm worried he might think I'm boring or something, or that he might start losing interest in me.

I'd appreciate someone's feedback. Thanks!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2003
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 1:29pm
Nothing to talk about? Really? There are so many things in this world to talk about. First off, don't worry. Actually, I know so many people with this problem. Don't worry about it because some people just are not phone people. You need to accept that, but not just accept it but WORK ON IT. Questions are amazing things. You just need to throw a couple of them out there. You say you just focus on the small talk. Well, delve into those small things more and find out what makes him tick. Find out about his job and find out about his family and friends. Then find out how he feels about these thigns. All you need to do is to appear interested and he'll keep talking. People LOVE to talk about themselves, so all you have to do is just keep asking. Hopefully, he see the effort that you are making, and he will ask questions back at you and things will change and you won't feel like you have nothing to talk about. It will also make your relationship stronger. Good luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 2:17pm

I think the previous suggestion that you ask lots of question is actually a pretty good one.

 Start

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2004
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 3:14pm
hi!

actually, my boyfriend is not a big phone talker too. but i am :) at first it was difficult for him to spend time with me over the phone, but i just talked on, shared my day, what i did, etc... and eventually, he opened up more and more on the phone. now, he says that it's the only thing he waits for every day (because we don't see each other every day too!)

i think your boyfriend may be trying to get in touch with you every day because he really cares. try to think of him as your journal, where you can share every thing from boring little details to your innermost thoughts. i mean, he's your boyfriend, right? :)

good luck!