Now what?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2007
Now what?
18
Mon, 06-04-2007 - 1:56am

I had my first date last night with a nice, sweet, sucessful guy. But, here's the catch-I didn't feel any chemistry. His face was alright, and he was shorter than I like, but I didn't feel any sexual excitement. He has asked to see me again, and has even started to call me sweetie. He may be too nice.

So my question to you guys is: If the chemistry is not there on the first date, will it ever be there?? Am I wasting my or his time, if I agree to go out with him again?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2007
In reply to: sweetivy2007
Sun, 06-10-2007 - 11:04pm

thanks, holly.

update: We had our second date yesterday and he was VERY generous. We went to a major amusement park, tickets were expensive, he bought me food and anything I wanted. Then, he took me out to an expensive restaurant and told me to order anything on the menu. All together, he must have dropped $200 yesterday.

He was just so nice. After dinner, outside of the restaurant while looking at the water, I got a warm, tight, surprise hug from him. Another one when he dropped me off, and a slight peck on the cheek.

I still haven't been struck by lightening yet. I did have my first sexual stirrings for him last night, but that may be due to my period about to start in a couple of days. I really want sex during that time.

Anyway, sometimes his voice aggravates me-too deep for his frame. I wish he was taller with a larger body frame. He just seems too nice at this point, although he was in a hard rock band when he was young. I get the feeling that he could be a wimp. He admitted that he let his ex-wife run all over him because he was too nice to her. I can't deal with a wimp-that I know. To his credit, he did admit that he shouldn't have let his wife run over him.

I don't know if I want him for a bf. But, I do know I want to have sex with him. I know he would be safe, he's not the kind that sleeps around.

Will the feelings develop? If they don't, do I use him for sex knowing that he likes me?

Also, he hasn't made a move to give me some tongue yet...

What to do? What to do?...

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2007
In reply to: sweetivy2007
Mon, 06-11-2007 - 3:22am

To all, I may be worrying for nothing. The reality is this guy treats me like a princess. He is very much into me. He calls me everyday; treated me to a $200 date and wouldn't let me give him a dime towards it; carries all my bags for me; opens doors for me. Has beautiful sensitive eyes; is educated and has a good job. Yes, I'm worrying that he could be wimply, but he's played in a rock band before, he can't be that much of a wimp (I hope). And yes, he's small, but he's not smaller/shorter than I am (same height) and he works out and is in shape.

He's opening up to me more, last night the conversation was good; he's 8 years younger than I am (34 to my 42) so I bet sex will be good. I must be sexually attracted to him because I felt something when we were driving home and tonight, my loins are burning thinking about him...

So, what the hell am I complaining for?!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
In reply to: sweetivy2007
Mon, 06-11-2007 - 11:18am

One thing I have noticed about us, as women, is that once we start asking ourselves too many questions or start taking out a pen and paper and lining up things about someone that are superficial...before we even get to know them....we distract ourselves from how we feel inside. The question is...how do you feel when you are with him? The same statement would apply to a woman who is dating someone who is big, hunky, the right age, with the right job...but when she are with him...she feels like dirt because that is how he is treating her. I would pose the same question..how does he make you feel? Don't get distracted with the superficial.

So if you could just stay focused on the interactions with the guy and how you feel when you are with him..then you will be fine. All of the analyses and questions we pose upon ourselves or we hear from friends tends to clutter our minds from where it needs to be. Who cares if he was in a rock band when he was a kid? And who cares if he spent $200 or $100 that night? If he was attentive, and generous with his time and ear and affection and turns you on...then you have a good start to a rewarding relationship.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
In reply to: sweetivy2007
Mon, 06-11-2007 - 11:20am
"do I use him for sex knowing that he likes me?" -- would you like that done to you?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2007
In reply to: sweetivy2007
Mon, 06-11-2007 - 1:47pm
No, I wasn't thinking right, snafu. I know that's just plain wrong.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2007
In reply to: sweetivy2007
Mon, 06-11-2007 - 1:53pm

Hi, Snafu. Thank you for your posts. You make some great points. How do I feel when I'm with him? I actually feel very good. :) He treats me well, the conversation is good and I feel very comfortable around him.

snafu: "So if you could just stay focused on the interactions with the guy and how you feel when you are with him..then you will be fine."

Yes, I think I'm going to do what you suggested above. :) Your whole post was great.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
In reply to: sweetivy2007
Mon, 06-11-2007 - 7:29pm
Thank you for the compliment, and enjoy your new found love!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
In reply to: sweetivy2007
Wed, 06-13-2007 - 9:13pm
Sooooo....did he ever slip you the tongue? Hopefully it is good tongue. I have had bad tongue and you definitely dont' want that. hehehehe.

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