Odd Sit with a 'Friend turned into Date'
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| Tue, 03-06-2007 - 12:20am |
Hi folks
Hoping you have some insight into this!! 3 years ago I met and went on 2 dates with a guy but nothing came of it because I put the brakes on saying i just wanted to be friends. We ended up actually being friends - keep in touch all the time and saw each other sometimes, but not on a really 'everyday' friend level. Then he left and went overseas for a 15 month work assignment. We kept in touch a bit on email and I saw him when he came home to visit. Whenever we have been around each other I would say there is a sort of nervous energy but that's about it - we've never gone beyond friends in any way.
He has just returned to Canada and emailed to say he'd like to get together soon to catch up and he'd give me a call - which he did a couple of weeks later. When we were chatting I realized I had a wedding coming up so I decided to invite him to go with me. I actually kind of wondered what it would be like to see him after 8 months... Anyway - he came to get me for the wedding and he looked great!! we had a really great time and went out to a lounge afterwards... we definitely still had that nervous thing going on - like we are too polite with each other or something. anyway, we sat in the car and kind of just kept chatting at the end of the evening. I leaned over to give him a hug or kiss on the cheek.... but we ended up full-on kissing. It was such a shock to both of us that when I pulled away he laughed out loud and said, "wow, that was a long time coming!"
I agreed and said somethig to the effect of "well that was pretty cool" and I smiled... He said maybe we could do it again sometime (go out)... and I said ok.
A couple of days later I emailed to say thanks for going to the wedding with me and mentioned the 'end of the evening' being kind of interesting and that it was nice.. and that I didn't want to mess up our friendship but I'd be keen to hang out again sometime and relax a bit - but that I was trying to avoid making things awkward.
He replied saying the following:
"The end of the evening... In short, it was instinct. You leaned over, I guess, for a good night hug and bam. To be honest, I'd been pondering "us" all evening, trying to read your mind, as well as my own. I definitely wanted to be sure we were on the same page. I wasn't sure and I couldn't figure out how to bring it up. It was certainly a surprising way to bring the topic up. Funny how things work out. We're on the same page now. No awkwardness. :)"
So here's the problem.... after that email I never heard from him!!! I had knee surgery and was out for a week and he didn't call to see how I was or come by to visit which kind of disappointed me... I saw him on MSN and chatted with him a couple of times but he didn't say anything about geting together. Finally after about 2 weeks I asked if he'd like to get together one evening. He said sure and picked a day... but I just now got an email saying he can't make it this thurs as he has a work and other commitment and suggested NEXT thursday - this will put it about 3 or 4 weeks after that night at the wedding.
What do you think is going on here? is he having 2nd thoughts about hanging out or is he just moving REALLY slowly? I obviously gave it a 'poke' but it's totally in his court now. I am just reluctant... I'm wondering if he just wants to avoid the whole thing now. I kind of feel like it's losing its momentum. did I misinterpret his reply email??
Many thanks for your insight.

Did you post about this guy a few years ago as well? Curious...
Anyway, I would say that any person (let alone guy) that did not at least show concern after a surgery isn't worth a pile of beans. And honestly, that's where it would end for me. Why pursue a person who is not pursuing you and why pursue a person who doesn't show a little bit of compassion?
Honestly, I would let him go and look for better...
Hi London,
I'm not so sure I would call this off as the previous poster advised. After all, this was a long time in coming, you were friends first. I've never converted a friendship to a romance, but I'm thinking it could really be a minefield.
Having said that, I'm thinking that he's having second thoughts, and like a lot of guys, he doesn't want to be "the bad guy" so he just doesn't say anything. I think men have a much harder time expressing emotions, even if you were in the hospital. Yeah, it would have been nice if he'd called.
It does seem like a lot of time has passed and that he is putting you off. It doesn't sound very promising. However, this is kind of tricky. He may really fear rejection from you since you "put the brakes" on before. And I know you're probably still wondering how you really feel about him.
Definitely the ball is in his court. See if he "hits" it. I would refrain from contacting him in any way until he contacts you again. Perhaps it will all seem clear the next time you meet...and perhaps you can have a conversation about it to clear everything up.
I think it can be really hard early on in a new relationship, but especially hard in a situation like this. So, I'd give this some more time then move on. If it doesn't work out romantically, perhaps you can go back to being friends.
Good luck, let us know ho it goes.