I had to go back and reread my post. I didn't intend for it to come across negative. I was hoping you would see that it is not YOU - maybe his timing is kind of screwed up. But timing changes. Could you elaborate as to why you thought it wasnt positive?
Take a pregnacy test first to put your mind at rest. I was 22 when I had my first child (alone). She's now 15- smart, pretty, and on her way to be a successful woman. It seems like just yesterday that I was feeling the same way you are.
Everything happens for a reason. And remember, all moms make the right decisions for their child- they can't help it- it's uncondtional love.
It wasn't really horrible, I think I'm just especially sensitive with everything going on. I *just* found out about the baby so it's really raw right now... Sort of shock.. not really believing yet.. although even before I saw the doctor, I've avoided smoke and drinking. But basically it was your last line "If a guy has big dreams and the girl he is dating gets pregnant he may not want anything to do with the baby, the girl or will encourage adoption or abortion". I mean, this really depresses me, thinking about this. I think I might fall apart if my boyfriend suggested abortion. I cannot imagine in this life or another that he would (because I know him), although I know it is one of the possibilities... just not for him...
First of all, what I posted wasn't negative towards men. It was simply an observation that men are hooked into timing and what is going on in their lives. If you read my post carefully you would have seen the first line which states that men do go above and beyond for the woman they love.
Secondly, I am responding to what she put in her post - as to why isn't he responsive in the "I will move heaven and earth for you" kind of way - maybe you are not reading things clearly dear. Be careful what assumptions you make - cuz you might be wrong - as we all are from time to time. You might want to stick to responding to the original poster and that way you wont go wrong again.
I am sorry. I didnt mean to depress you. I didn't realize you are feeling more sensitive to those comments or issues right now. Thanks for letting me know. He may not suggest abortion. Are you overjoyed at the prospect of becoming a mother right now? If so, and you project that happiness then your conversation with him may go well.
The hard thing about your situation with him is that a summer fling or relationship is a lot different from raising a child with someone. You stated that you weren't thinking past fall...what about now thinking about the next 18 plus years?
I know you think snafu is being insensitive, but I do think a dose of reality is needed here. You were talking about ending it with this guy when you found out you were pregnant. He wasn't someone you wanted to spend your free time with for the next couple of months, and now you are basically bound to him for life, as the father of your baby at the very least. Does this guy want to be a dad? Do you have any reason to think he will respond well to this?
I think that you need to be fully prepared to be a completely single mom. This guy sounds like a college kid, which is not a bad thing, but most college kids are not ready or in any way prepared to be a parent. He is probably still learning about who he is. You probably are doing the same...the difference is that you are pregnant, which means certain parenting instincts have already kicked in in your brain. You are actively preparing yourself for parenthood already. You have to realize that the same is simply not true for him, at least at this point. He doesn't even know!
Speaking of that...TALK TO HIM!!!!! You are sure about the pregnancy now, so he needs to know immediately. This affects him too and it is not fair to either of you to keep him in the dark. Whether he is going to be your romantic partner or not, he needs to be with you to support you. It does take two. Also, I wouldn't play a lot with the whole "So how do you feel about me" thing before telling him. I mean, what good will it do? You guys are on to a new chapter regardless of how either of you feels. He doesn't get off the hook if he's decided he's not that into you. I feel like a high school teacher now but...um, with sex comes responsibility.
As for him being with you, do you want him to be? Or do you just want him to support you as a friend and the father? It would probably be good to know what you want from him so you can let him know. Then he can be fully informed of your desires when he makes the decision of how exactly he will be involved.
Thanks thebethness, and I wasn't trying to be insensitive...really...I wasn't. halle was wondering why this guy wouldn't move heaven and earth for her if he really loved her. And all i was trying to communicate was that he may love her very much, but guys will be guys and they operate off of a different brainwave than we do. I was hoping she would see that it may not be her, but more about him.
I am in love with my boyfriend. I love him very VERY much. The reason I wanted to break it off was because he was expressing trepidation about possible long-distance relationship if he didn't get into the school near me, which hurt me a little bit. He said he loves me, but that he wasnt sure he could do long-distance because it would hurt too much and it would be too difficult with our school schedules. I leave to go back to our home city for the summer tomorrow. I am not in la-la land. I know the realities, however, although I am pro-choice, abortion is not my personal vocabulary and that was just unnerving for me to read and my boyfriend would never ever suggest this to me. I'm honestly not sure what his reaction will be. Although believe it or not, we once talked about what we would name our children if we had them together. We were going to combine German and American names (he is German, and I am American).
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Take a pregnacy test first to put your mind at rest. I was 22 when I had my first child (alone). She's now 15- smart, pretty, and on her way to be a successful woman. It seems like just yesterday that I was feeling the same way you are.
Everything happens for a reason. And remember, all moms make the right decisions for their child- they can't help it- it's uncondtional love.
:)
First of all, what I posted wasn't negative towards men. It was simply an observation that men are hooked into timing and what is going on in their lives. If you read my post carefully you would have seen the first line which states that men do go above and beyond for the woman they love.
Secondly, I am responding to what she put in her post - as to why isn't he responsive in the "I will move heaven and earth for you" kind of way - maybe you are not reading things clearly dear. Be careful what assumptions you make - cuz you might be wrong - as we all are from time to time. You might want to stick to responding to the original poster and that way you wont go wrong again.
Edited 6/25/2007 12:42 am ET by snafu2006
The hard thing about your situation with him is that a summer fling or relationship is a lot different from raising a child with someone. You stated that you weren't thinking past fall...what about now thinking about the next 18 plus years?
I know you think snafu is being insensitive, but I do think a dose of reality is needed here. You were talking about ending it with this guy when you found out you were pregnant. He wasn't someone you wanted to spend your free time with for the next couple of months, and now you are basically bound to him for life, as the father of your baby at the very least. Does this guy want to be a dad? Do you have any reason to think he will respond well to this?
I think that you need to be fully prepared to be a completely single mom. This guy sounds like a college kid, which is not a bad thing, but most college kids are not ready or in any way prepared to be a parent. He is probably still learning about who he is. You probably are doing the same...the difference is that you are pregnant, which means certain parenting instincts have already kicked in in your brain. You are actively preparing yourself for parenthood already. You have to realize that the same is simply not true for him, at least at this point. He doesn't even know!
Speaking of that...TALK TO HIM!!!!! You are sure about the pregnancy now, so he needs to know immediately. This affects him too and it is not fair to either of you to keep him in the dark. Whether he is going to be your romantic partner or not, he needs to be with you to support you. It does take two. Also, I wouldn't play a lot with the whole "So how do you feel about me" thing before telling him. I mean, what good will it do? You guys are on to a new chapter regardless of how either of you feels. He doesn't get off the hook if he's decided he's not that into you. I feel like a high school teacher now but...um, with sex comes responsibility.
As for him being with you, do you want him to be? Or do you just want him to support you as a friend and the father? It would probably be good to know what you want from him so you can let him know. Then he can be fully informed of your desires when he makes the decision of how exactly he will be involved.
He said he loves me, but that he wasnt sure he could do long-distance because it would hurt too much and it would be too difficult with our school schedules. I leave to go back to our home city for the summer tomorrow. I am not in la-la land. I know the realities, however, although I am pro-choice, abortion is not my personal vocabulary and that was just unnerving for me to read and my boyfriend would never ever suggest this to me. I'm honestly not sure what his reaction will be. Although believe it or not, we once talked about what we would name our children if we had them together. We were going to combine German and American names (he is German, and I am American).
Pages