okay girls....question

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2004
okay girls....question
7
Wed, 07-28-2004 - 7:38am
Most of the regulars in here know the story about my 1st online guy and what happened. If not it is on a previous post---online guy a fake, etc. under my name. Anyhow--update....he has since (since sun) taken his profile off of this other site, (never put it back up on yahoo or match) and had contacted me and I quote. "Im finding myself still constantly thinking about you. Im wondering if you are 100% sure you want to call it quits. Do you think we can try again when I get back from Canada? The ball is in your court. Take some time and think about
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Wed, 07-28-2004 - 8:59am
Ah, see now here is where the ball (control?) is firmly back in your court, to me anyway...and he's said as much.

A) he could have said it just as another control thing to see if you'll come back despite your concerns. That's the slightly pessimisticly (that a word?) tinged view.

B) the ball IS in your court, and now is your opportunity to decide if you're prepared to give something with him another go. The good thing about this is that you can do it on YOUR terms. You get to set the boundaries and he gets to decide if he's willing to do what it takes to be with you.

In either situation, you STILL get to set the pace and the boundaries. If you're prepared to take a big step back (put the walls slightly up, you might say), and see what comes of just trying to get along and dating (without the sex bit), you'll get your answer of what he wants pretty quick. He either accommodates your terms and you build something over a longer period of time, or he pushes for sex and you know that's all he was after.

Either way, you'll know pretty quick what he is looking for.

Can't hurt for you both to at least apologise for the misunderstandings over a coffee? You've obviously both been thinking about each other...

Eve

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-28-2004 - 9:50am
I think you're on to something. I hate to stereotype, but the fact that he's a cop would tend to reinforce this theory.

BUT, so long as you feel you can maintain boundaries when you see him and objectively evaluate his behavior, I don't see the harm in going out with him again and just seeing. I'd stay away from any alcohol, though, and make it clear that sex is NOT on the menu at this point.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Wed, 07-28-2004 - 11:59am
Definetly take it slow this time. Set up any meetings so that there's no chance of hitting the sac with him. Meet him for coffee, lunch or dinner at a public place and have a plan to meet up with someone else after. So you meet him for lunch- but you have to get back to work after. Or you meet for dinner- but you're supposed to meet a girl friend for a movie night at her place. Anything where you can avoid A)him inviting you to his place or B)him inviting himself to your place. You'll know fairly quick if he's just into the sex, or if he's truly in to you.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
Wed, 07-28-2004 - 5:56pm

I think you shouldn't focus so much HIM and what HE must be thinking, or what HE is after, or whether HE is controlling.

 Start

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Wed, 07-28-2004 - 8:11pm
I am really jealous to you! It is very good that he can come back & give you two the second chance. I just has been suddenly broken up by a guy whom I only went out with 6 times & I really like. I wish I were you. I wish he can rethink about us.... If you really like this guy, give the chance to both of you. Even there is the risk that it might not work, it worthes to try. Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2003
Wed, 07-28-2004 - 10:10pm
Come on, why spend more of your energy in this guy? If he's controling or a liar then he is, leave it alone and forget about it. By your posts, he does seem to be in control because each time he's got you thinking...can't you see it? Now you're obssed with this guy and want to know "why?". Noone can make someone emotionally involved. You became involved when you "believed" all what he said 100% and started fantazing about this man even before getting to know him. Don't waste more of your valuable time in him, Canaa or not...Move on already!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2004
Thu, 07-29-2004 - 9:55am
Well the thing is-- he may just be a great guy--or he may be a controller and