Okay what do I do now?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2004
Okay what do I do now?
4
Fri, 10-22-2004 - 11:54pm
I knew it would happen eventually...The awkward moment is coming. I recently, about a month ago fell into bed with a friend. We went on a wonderful romantic date the following week, and for all the world it looked like we were falling in love...and then he never called. When last we spoke he wanted to take things very slowly and wanted to get his own head together before starting something new. Upon advice I gave up. It has been a month now since we last spoke. I just got back in touch with a good friend who is also a mutual friend of me, my ex's and this guys. Here's the problem, she wants to meet up where he works. When she and I first made plans we made them for Sunday and I have no excuse for changing the date. If I tell her I want to meet somewhere else she is gonna want an explanation and I can't say anything yet. I want to talk to him first and be sure we are still friends. And I know if I call him, he won't call me back, so that's gonna have to be a conversation we have face to face. I don't know what he's thinking or feeling, we never discussed not seeing each other or anything.

Okay what do I do now?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2004
Sat, 10-23-2004 - 8:48am
Hi Paris,

I don't think you should meet your friend where this guy works. He is going to think you arranged this on purpose. If I were you I would just tell my friend you don't want to meet up there just because you don't want to. There is no need to make up any excuses. If she asks why just say, "I just don't want to meet there, that's it". I say this because if you do meet up with her and he is there it is going to be obvious to her that something went on because absolutely it's going to be awkward. It has been a month.... if this guy wants to get in touch with you he knows where to find you, there is no need to force the meeting; he may resent you for it. By the way... you are right, if you meet up with him it should be face to face and when you two are alone to talk things out. Best to you. Lucy

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
Sat, 10-23-2004 - 9:29pm
Hmmmm. Why does it matter if this guy is there when you meet your friend or not? Okay ya slept with him. Okay he gave you the shaft. (You don't really buy that thing about going slow and getting his head together, right?) Don't give him the satisfaction of an awkward moment. Or of making YOU rearrange your life to avoid him. And don't think he's not going to know if you pitch a tizzy about meeting somewhere else. Even if the friend knows nothing about the situation, she may mention your odd behavior to another mutual friend,i.e. HIM. Don't explain why you desperately don't want to meet there to her either. One of two things will happen in that situation. Either she'll think he's a jerk and it will get back to him that she does and why, or she'll look at you like you're nuts and you'll feel like an idiot. I say meet her there. Walk in there like a queen. Don't be rude to him or blatantly ignore him. Treat him as if he is inconsequential and what happened between you meant jack. (It did to him.) When it comes to breakups or men you have been involved with, I always remember what a close guy friend told me a long time ago: He (or she) who cares the least wins. You're going to have to be in the same zip code with this guy eventually. The longer you wait and the more you put yourself out to avoid him, the more daunting it will be. Prove this guy doesn't have the power to control you or your actions, even if it is only to yourself.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2002
Sun, 10-24-2004 - 1:10am
I totally agree with this answer!!! so powerful!! If he does ask to talk to you or calls you after seeing you there-you can ask him what about?? If he hasn't called you in a month he's not interested - since he hasn't called you in a month you no longer are either. do you want him to start something up with you again out of guilt and then again need some time to get himself together and leave you stranded again? He might be havae realized that it was a mistake that he fell into bed with you--hey it happens--let it go because that is all it was to him-obviously and he did even think enough of you to say something about that to you-and you are supposed to be friends?? Friends don't do that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2004
Mon, 10-25-2004 - 9:49pm
Thank You so much folks,

Well, I did it, and I cannot begin to tell you one, how good it felt, and two how totally relieved I am.

Awkward moment over. Sincere and heartfelt apology accepted by me. We can all get on with our lives now. Grace and dignity and I looked, and I quote, "very very amazing". Everyone is friends now.

Thanks