the older you get the harder it gets
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the older you get the harder it gets
| Wed, 08-31-2005 - 3:58pm |
I know that's pretty obvious but really I was talking about the men themselves. In their twenties up to maybe early thirties men are usually in 'mating' mode with women their own age. Once they get to late thirties and older, they become what I think of as 'toxic bachelors,' selfish and just out for sex. If they do decide to settle down it'll be with a twentyish partner. If the guy is divorced or out of a long relationship he'll either just want to screw around as he cannot forget his ex love or, at the very best, seek a housekeeper..depending on how old he is. My mother's theory is that men only choose a long term mate for breeding and if she is too old to have kids then she is only used for one-off sex or just ignored completely. I really think that, of course always with a few (but very few) exceptions, that women of a certain age can forget 'love' ..whatever that is.

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Stefania -- you should see the movie "Broken Flowers" if you can -- what you say reminds me so much of the themes in that movie. The Don Juans out there don't have a perfect life, or even a very happy one. I guess like all of us, good parts and bad parts. I was married to a man who didn't want to settle down with just one woman. He loved women, going out, being free. The bachelor life for him is too enticing, but at the same time sort of eats him alive. A very educational part of the friendship we have today is how I get to see how sad and lonely he is at times.
If someone were to tell me when I was 20 that I'd be divorced, no kids and living alone in my mid 30s, I would've freaked out. That wasn't the plan I had for myself but that's my reality. There are good days/bad days. I look around me and see people living in all different sorts of ways, married and miserable, single and blissful, having children on their own or raising children they weren't ready to have...
Maybe I'm not doing so good in cheering you up, but just wanted to say I can hear where you're coming from.
That story makes you sound bitter. Nobody wants to be with a person who is bitter at the other gender.
A quick story.
The was this attractive woman who had a son on my sons baseball team. She was divorced and her ex came to all the gfames like she did. All she did is bad mouth this guy who gave her a sweetheart deal with the divorce. She wanted the divorce not him . Well he came to the games with his new gf for 2 years and she would bad mouth him to anyone who would listen.
In 2 years this woman couldnt get a date at all so a bunch of us were sitting around and she complained about her lack of dating.
I told her she is a beautiful woman and I would love to date her but she is so bitter it makes her look ugly.
Since then she had changed her attitude
and has a lot of dates now.
Anothwer quick story just happened to me last month.
A guy I work with his aunt works down the road from us in a store. Well we having been going there for a couple of years and we have spoken alot. Well I went there one day and asked her out. She pushed it off saying she was busy. She spoke with the guy I work with and told her . He explained I was a nice guy I like to read and do this and that. She felt Im was just trying to get into her pants. So we finally go out to dinner had a long talk and we both said we would like to go out agaain.I asked her out for 5 weeks straight and she kept saying she was to busy maybe next week. Now I just give up thinking she doent like me. At a barbacue at my co workers house his mother is there and we are talking [I am friendly with his mom not on that level} and she asks why I havent called her sister. I told her the whole story and her sis ter feels I did not pursue her hard enough.
So men are not the only idiots around ,we just surround ourselves with the wrong people.
Good luck
Well atleast you had the "balls" (couldn't resist) ;-)
to ask her out.
Whatever reason, she was not ready.
My thing is guys don't ask me out no matter how friendly and open and bubbly I am. They just either a stare or b talk to me casually and go their merry way. So that tells me the interest isn't strong enough.
However, I constantly have that problem. I dress well, keep the figure petite and I'm attractive. But more than that, my personality outshines all of that. I'm as sweet as they come but I think they see that and decide they just want a wild woman who just wants sex instead. I refuse to ask out any many when I'm giving you the "I won't shoot you down if you ask" vibe.
My dear mother who is nearly 80 says this crap is all due to the sexual revolution, the Pill and women making themselves too easy and I guess she's right since if you say NO, the guy just shrugs and moves onto the next potential victim. Men are predators in the main and have to be viewed with not hostility but certainly a great deal of caution and healthy cynicism:) Apart from the need to mate and build a family when young, older men have their friends for companionship and they can buy a take-away or cook themselves so what do they need a woman for? I dated a very attractive guy of 38 and he (at least he was polite) explained he was only looking for sex since he was a good cook and domesticated and had plenty of friends for companionship. He said that a serious or any type of relationship would tie him down and put constraints on him. He said also (this is another very important factor) that there are more women than men so men can pick and choose. My Russian friend is even more cynical than i am. She married an older man who isn't very capable in bed and openly flaunts her young lovers who never stick around after one f--k but in Italy there is always a high turnover of bedmates. I told her that life was for her but not for me and she laughed in my face and said that men were incapable of love so might as well be used. I do think that they were using HER but didn't want to get into a fight :))
It seems like you are in a bad dating cycle. It's not your age that makes these things happen. For some reason you are attracting men who are only about sex and who have no respect for women. You need to determine what that is and why you're attracting the wrong types of guys. Of course we all attract them, but as soon as they show a sign that they are rogues, off they go!
I do agree with your mom. My mom used to tell me that all of the time and say how she felt sorry for the young women coming up. It's sad. It really is.
Unfortunately, you do have women who don't mind being used just for arms and whatever else sake.
I refuse to turn myself into a different person for the sake of getting a man temporarily.
Like you said, they can spot a decent girl a mile away and I'm sure they sense it with me and they bolt.
I do blame alot of this on women who say they are "liberated" and have sex with men on the spot, at the drop of a dime. There are too, too many this way. They somehow think this will make the guy like them more and then they're left wondering why he disappeared.
I am old fashioned. I want to be taken out and treated like a lady. If I can't be, then in my opinion, it's not even worth the heartach.
I do agree with you 100%
Liylahberry....if you want to get treated like a lady then you should have either been born 100 years ago or write your own romantic novel since nowadays it just won't happen, sorry!
Yes, I know the feeling. I'm struggling with it too. Let's face it, men these days have the upper hand when it comes to dating. I can relate to Liyaberry's post about men approaching her then moving on. It happens to me also. Unfortunately it happens when I am interested in those men who approach me. It's not often that I'm attracted to alot of men, but when I do see someone I like and he approaches me to strike up a conversation, I say, YES, FINALLY, he has the features I like and he's dressed nicely. But then after talking for a few minutes, he moves on and I never see him again! :-(
It's really sad for us women out here who do want a committed relationship. I've seen cads who treat women really poorly go out and find true love and happiness. I'm a nice person and I can't even get a date!
I agree with what your mom said about the sexual revolution. I had that same talk with my mom when she was alive. She said she blames it all on the loose women who sleep around and chase men like animals. (LOL!) I guess if a man keeps meeting women who freely wants to have sex, why should he enter into a relationship?
Sorry, I don't have anything positive to say either. I don't think it's just you either, it's the way of the world now.
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