OMG HELP

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2005
OMG HELP
6
Thu, 03-16-2006 - 7:21am

WELL SEE LAST NIGHT ONE OF MY SO CALLED BF FRIENDS CALLED ME AND WE WERE TALKING ABOUT THINGS. HE TELLS ME THAT LATELY THAT MY SO CALLED HAS BEEN A REGULAR AT THE STRIP CLUB AND HAS ONE CHICK THAT HE HAS BEEN PAYING FOR ORAL SEX. AND SO ON....

OK NOW THIS CAME FROM ONE OF HIS FRIENDS. NOW THE OTHER FRIEND THAT I AM CLOSE TO GOES WITH THIS GUY TO THE CLUB ALL THE TIME AND SAYS MY MAN STAYS HOME. PLUS THIS OTHER FRIEND LIKES ME ALOT. HE THINKS HE IS 2ND IN LINE FOR ME. NOW HE HAS NEVER SAID ANYTHING OF THE SORT.

ALSO THE FRIEND WHO TOLD ME THIS TOLD ME I COULDNT TELL MY MAN BECUZ HE WOULD NEVER TALK TO HIM AGAIN. ALSO THIS KID GAVE ME INSTANCES THAT BEFORE HE SAID HE HAD TO WAIT ON HIM BECUZ HE WAS HOME SLEEPING WITH A HEADACHE AND NOW SAYS HE WAS AT THE CLUB.

I AM DISCUSTED IF THIS IS TRUE, I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO OTHER THEN HIRE SOMEONE TO FIND OUT FOR SURE. DO I ASK THE FRIEND THAT LIKES ME. I WOULD THINK HE WOULD HAVE TOLD ME BY NOW

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2004
In reply to: cherry0125
Thu, 03-16-2006 - 7:32am
You should talk to your boyfriend. You owe your loyalties to your boyfriend, not to your boyfriend's friend. Sit him down, tell him you heard something disturbing and you wanted to discuss it, and tell him what you heard.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2005
In reply to: cherry0125
Thu, 03-16-2006 - 7:54am
Ok 1st off we are on time out i think, i dont know if you read the other post. but i dont know if he will tell me the truth//. dont you think the friend who wants me would have told me this to get me mad by now. they both say he doesnt go and now this guy is changing his story on this completely./...
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2004
In reply to: cherry0125
Thu, 03-16-2006 - 8:34am

I don't recall your other post. But, even if you are on break, if you have any interest in continuing to date your boyfriend in the future, then you need to be able to speak with him about this. It's not fair to him to listen to rumors from others; keep secrets from him; maintain confidences with his guy friends about him; and be mad at him for reasons you won't discuss with him.

The best way to handle the situation is to talk to your guy and be direct and honest. Talking behind his back with his friends is not going to accomplish anything good.

And it's far from clear that the guy who likes you would tell you your boyfriend is doing inappropriate things at the strip club. Perhaps because it's a lie, and the guy values honesty over deception; perhaps because it's the truth, and the guy values loyalty to his friends over trying to steal a friend's girl away. And it's impossible to know whether the guy who told you the rumor was being truthful. Perhaps it was true and the reason he is changing his story now is because his friends are mad at him for not being loyal. Or maybe the story was false and he's changing his story now because of guilt or because his friends are mad at him for lying to you in an attempt to break you up.

The point is, if you want a good, solid, healthy relationship, you need to be honest with your partner and able to talk about your concerns. There's no need for the extra drama.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2005
In reply to: cherry0125
Thu, 03-16-2006 - 9:07am
I dont know why it was said or if it is true. Do i ask the other friend first.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2004
In reply to: cherry0125
Thu, 03-16-2006 - 10:16am

No, you talk to your boyfriend first.

Imagine if one of your girlfriends was saying something bad about you to your boyfriend behind your back. Would you want him to continue to go behind your back and talk to your other friends? Or would you want him to talk to you?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2005
In reply to: cherry0125
Thu, 03-16-2006 - 12:42pm
I know. but i really dont believe it more that i think about it. He was impotent and never cared about sex. Now he pays for it? I dont want him to get mad at this kid, he lives theer but this kid and him fight alot. This kid is bad on drugs and my SO told his parents.. but sat my so told me he knows every move i make