One Kiss?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2004
One Kiss?
1
Sun, 11-07-2004 - 4:15am
My boyfriend and I have been going out for 4 years now. I am his first girlfriend and he lost his virginity with me. The last few months I have been pretty nasty and can really put him down, without even realizing it. I am also never in the mood of sex and I really do not know where its coming from.

I always told him that cheating in any form is wrong and it would mean the end of the relationship for me.

We had a party yesterday and I saw him flirting with a girl. I know her as well and I also know that he thinks she's weird. I saw him drinking ALOT, but I thought to myself....innocent flirting. Before we left the party I saw her arm around him and him caressing it. I was hurt and suggested to him that we go home. When we got home I was still very hurt and asked him how far it had gone. He told me he kissed her on the lips.

He was honest, but I am so hurt. I really do not know what to do. He also told me that he has been hurting for some time. This due to the fact that I keep putting him down as if he is worthless and never want sex. I need some advice as I really do not know what to do. This is the guy I want to spend the rest of my life with and he's the best thing that has ever happened to me. Can I forgive him? Is this the time we need to think about our future?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2004
In reply to: feemsing
Sun, 11-07-2004 - 5:43am
I (male) thought I was in a monogamous relationship. (WOW, a male that can commit!) She had several men in her past I only one women. We spoke about relationships and what we wanted. We agreed that we would be faithful and monogamous with each other. While I lay sleeping she is french kissing maybe more with another man that she tell me is a long time friend but not a sex partner. When I got up and saw her doing this I waited till they where done then walked in on them. She was sitting in his lap. When he left I told her she broke my heart and she said that it meant nothing emotional and not read to much into it that it was only her comfort zone. How do you french kiss someone that you are not emotional intune with? She told me that it won't happen again. I love her and want to believe her. Right now I am hurt and haven't eaten and drank since.

I'm not saying that people can't see or be with other people if they know that up front. But if you make a promise and agree that the two of you are a monogamous couple then being with someone even if it is just french kissing or rubbing someone's arm should be off limits. If you already spoke about it and made the agreement then you should abide by it. If either partner wants something else they should talk about it. If it is a relationship breaker then so be it. Better to be out of a relationship they deal with mistrust is my opinion. Don't assume that since you have been dating four years that you are in a monogamous relationship you must talk about what each of you expect from each other. Make your agreements and live by them. If either of you can't then it may be time to end that relatinship and move on.

You are facing a crossroads here and need to be happy. If you truly in your heart feel that you can continue your relationship trustfully and bring it to the next level then do so. But if you have doubts, yes, seriously think about your future together. I don't know why but yes it is very difficult to find the right partner.

Right now my heart is bleeding at what I saw.

Best of luck in your relationship.

I gotta go.