Online Date Says He Is Ready 4 Marriage

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Online Date Says He Is Ready 4 Marriage
4
Thu, 09-16-2004 - 11:38pm
We meet 3 weeks ago in a chat room online..he is super fine...I am 54, 20 yrs older..he says age does't matter...he seems to be very mature ...is very romantic..one draw back is he is married & has been seprated for 3 yrs and has 5 children ...& lives in another country..he is very heart catching with his words..he shows me respect & has never tried any kind of online sex with me...we have discussed our view in marriage & relationships....however in his country there is no such thing as a devorse..we both feel we are in love with each and have similar things in common...We have already talked about marriage as he feels we r soulmates for each other...my concern was if we were to marry he would have to provide legal papers showing he would be devorsed....since in his country there is no devorse..he says he has papers that state his wife gives him permission to take a wife that he has no obligation to her...only to the children .....povideing fiancial help to their needs till the age of 18..& he gave her then house.. My question is as far as USA laws would this piece of paper be sufficent for marriage here in the USA, we have not met in real life..only we have spoke via phone & internet chat....He wanted to know how the honeymoon would take..before the marriage to take place..I feel its best to get to know each other better ..in real life..as it is hard to do online dating...we have never view each other on cams....only by pictures...Your advice is welcome......
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 09-17-2004 - 12:07am
PROCEED cautiously. There are a lot of people online out there who lie about a lot of things like being single, being rich, being married, their age, everything.

I really don't think that after three weeks anyone is ready to be discussing marriage...does he need papers or something?? Does he think you're rich? People who get too close too soon should make you worry, not feel warm and cozy. This guy is married...and in a different country...where there is no divorce...is this true?? What country is this?? How do you KNOW that he's separated from his wife...what kind of a guy is this that wants to leave the country where his kids are and send them checks instead of having a meaningful relationship??

You say that he is respectful and doesn't seek out cyber sex with you...but he's already talking about a 'honeymoon' before the marriage...are you to fly out somewhere for a weekend encounter??

A legal letter saying that she makes no claim on him is not a divorce in any country. It would be something similar to a legal separation, but not a divorce. People who are legally separated cannot marry. If you marry this guy, he would become a bigamist...and your marriage wouldn't count, only theirs.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2004
Fri, 09-17-2004 - 4:48am
You need to take this to the online dating message board--but I'm telling you--you wont like our opinions. #1 its to soon to talk marriage #2 you've never met face to face. Online is NOT reality and if you go and post this on the other board--they will tell you all of this and more--as we have all been here--done this and have alot of experience all together to help you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2003
Fri, 09-17-2004 - 8:15am
I wouldn't proceed at all...this man could be wanting to marry someone to get a green card and then leave you. You don't know any thing about him, but what he's told you. Men can say anything to get what they want and this one seems to be a charmer. To verify this you could tell him that you rather wait for marriage and see his reaction. I once dated a guy who said he was looking for his "wife" and that he was ready...blah, blah, blah, only after a week of talking, he was a foreigner.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Fri, 09-17-2004 - 2:57pm
To be honest, this man sounds like a creep and I would say to stop all contact with him. He sounds like a manipulator who's looking to get something out of you, in other words: he's using you for his own gain. You need to look at why that is?

I also think that instead of investing so much time in an online realm, you should return to reality. You don't have to talk to someone that's so far away. I'm sure there are great guys you can meet that are closer to you. Change the *search* criteria in your online dating to your town and within 100 miles. And you don't have to talk to every guy who starts up a chat with you in there either. Just letting someone know that you're not interested in something long distance is reason enough to be left alone.

Don't you want to be able to go out on a real date with someone? How can you do that if the guy is on another continent? Check out the guys in YOUR area and meet them. By focusing all your time on something that can't go anywhere you're missing the opportunities you could be having.

Please use caution here, something doesn't sound right.

Alison

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