Online dating

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2004
Online dating
4
Sun, 10-24-2004 - 1:03pm
I am talking to a man through Instant messenger from almost 2 months. We meet on a dating site and we were talking almost daily, with the exceptions of the days when he was out of the country and he also wrote me through mail. He always contacted me when he saw me online. He is 9 years older then me (he is 45, and me 36). He seem to like me, more then this can happen through internet and I honestly like him, untill a point. I am enough realistic to keep my soul independent untill I have the proove of his honesty.

He will come to meet me in less then 2 weeks, for my birthday. The last conversations we had, before he went again in his business trip, were very romantic. He seem very unpaciente to be near me and more,with me. He will come in my country and stay 5 days here and after he has to go again in a business trip, for 1 month. I don't know if it's appropriate to become intimate in this period, durring his first stay in my country. We live in different countries, something which for him is not an impediment for a future relationship. Of course it depend on how honest he is and what we will both feel. But he seem to be very decided about our relationship (in a percentage of more then 90%).

What steps should I make??? It's the first man I am metting like this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2003
In reply to: lemi2004
Sun, 10-24-2004 - 6:27pm
Speaking from experience, an online "romance" can be very tricky. The sense of "honesty" and "connection" through e-mails and IM that you experience is false, as you don't really know this man. You know what he tells you and remember that anyone can be whatever they want online. Anyhow, since he's coming to visit you should be aware of some things before and while meeting him. Its recommended that you meet with him in a public place, such as a restaurant, coffee shop or mall for your first date. Never get into his car; if he's not who he says he's you can easily become a victim and end up raped, kidnapped or even killed. During his stay he can get a room in a hotel closed by. don't offer your home to his conveninece, that shows that you're desperate for him to stay with you and could be dangerous as well. Since this is the first time you meet treat him as a stranger, as he is someone you'll meet for the first time. Let yourself think how you feel with this man and don't rush into things. As for becoming intimate with him it's a personal choice. Be sure of you want and let him know before hand, so there are no misunderstandings when he's there. If you feel comfortable with kissing then kiss him BUT if you don't feel comfy with some more deep touching/petting then tell him that you're NOT going to have sex with him during this visit. Good luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2004
In reply to: lemi2004
Sun, 10-24-2004 - 7:00pm
There are a whole bunch of red flags about this one; ccruise is right. Treat this man as a COMPLETE stranger and enforce all the necessary safety precautions.

You may want to check out the "Online Dating" site; you'll find lots of insight about long-distance relationships and online dating. If you want to believe that you have a relationship with this man, you won't like what the boards say, but there is a lot of information anyway.

Good luck -- be safe, physically and emotionally -

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2004
In reply to: lemi2004
Mon, 10-25-2004 - 12:45am
Thank you very much for your advices. It was already established that he will stay at the hotel. He has already a room booked. Moreover we both agree during our conversations that none of us can commete through internet. So both we will see what happen when he come. I am just very confused because of his "decision" related to me(what he say to me untill now through internet) and what I have seen in his eyes (as I can see him through the web cam). Some women may say that this is good and I should have no complain. But I just want not to make any mistake. With my life and more...
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2004
In reply to: lemi2004
Mon, 10-25-2004 - 12:47am
Thank you very much for your advices. It was already established that he will stay at the hotel. He has already a room booked. Moreover we both agree during our conversations that none of us can commete through internet. So both we will see what happen when he come. I am just very confused because of his "decision" related to me(what he say to me untill now through internet) and what I have seen in his eyes (as I can see him through the web cam). Some women may say that this is good and I should have no complain. But I just want not to make any mistake. With my life and more...