online dating scaredy cat

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2004
online dating scaredy cat
9
Wed, 07-14-2004 - 5:46pm
Ok girls, Sat. is the first time I am meeting someone I have met off of the net. Besides meeting at a public place somewhere in between us, what else can you tell me to do--or be aware of....anything......I would appreciate any input.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-14-2004 - 6:08pm
Keep your first meeting short (for coffee or something along those lines). Don't get in his car or let him get into yours. I find it best to keep the conversation general (interests, hobbies, movies, etc) rather than sharing details like your last breakup, etc.

For more online dating tips, try posting on the Online Dating board as well as this one and reading through the posts there.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Wed, 07-14-2004 - 6:13pm
First and most important, listen to your inner voice. If you feel uncomfortable-for any reason- make note. If something he says strikes you wrong, listen to your gut. Sometimes we push away the little signals our body tells us and looking back we see/hear them loud and clear.

Make sure that people know where you're going and who you're supposed to be meeting. Give them a description or picture, if something DOES happen (god forbid) it's a good thing for someone to give to the police. Do you have his number, email address, or street address?

Do you have a cell phone? Have a friend call you half an hour after you are supposed to meet him. Work out a signal word with her for "all's good", or "please help the guy's a creep". If you are having a good time, great! If not, you don't owe it to the guy to stay all night. Bring cash for your coffee/ drink/ meal- I say this so that if he tries to say that since he paid for *** that you owe him, you can give him the cash and walk.

If you get a bad vibe, do not accept a ride home, or a walk to your car. Part ways at the MEETING PLACE. Thank him for the meeting and then excuse yourself to the washroom. You don't want a creep following you home or learning your license number.

But all that said, you're going to go and meet a great guy and have a fun time. And you will agree to go out again next week.

If you are really nervous about meeting this guy, I totally suggest you bring a friend. Any guy can respect that, and if he can't, then he had another agenda- right?

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2004
Wed, 07-14-2004 - 6:33pm
I agree with the previous post, except in one thing: don't bring a friend with you!! You wouldn't like if the guy would bring another man with him, would you? So, don't bring another girl with you, you are not in high school anymore, neither he would feel confortable!

Yes, meet in a public place (shopping, restaurant, coffee chop), and during the day, don't meet at night!!

Keep it short, this is only to see if the two of you connect in some way, if so, there will be more opportunities for you two to meet, but if you feel bad about him, just leave.

Meeting a guy from the internet it's not very different from meeting a guy in the street, in the gym, in the bus, you don't know anything about him!!! So, be carefull, there a lot of perverted people out there, but there also a lot of good ones.

So, keep posting about how it went! ;-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2003
Thu, 07-15-2004 - 12:21am
Meet in a public place, never get into a car with the guy the first time you meet, never let your drink out of sight and never go to his place.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2004
Thu, 07-15-2004 - 2:49am
On the bring a friend issue, I've heard (haven't used it myself, but) of having a friend in the same coffee shop, but the person you are meeting doesn't know they are there.

I've always had friends know who I'm meeting and where and when (including knowing their profile name and having seen the photo etc). And it's two or three friends that know where I am going.

Have fun.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2004
Thu, 07-15-2004 - 6:06am
Your friends should know where you are going, with whom, and if you have a cell phone with you, better. You can also have a friend sitting in the coffee shop in another table without him knowing, but please, don't bring a friend with you to meet the guy! That is so childish, he'll not be at ease with you because he'll feel he's been evaluated all the time by both of you, this is not nice to do. Good luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2004
Sat, 07-17-2004 - 5:26pm

Thanks to everyone for the replies!! I am meeting him in about 2 1/2 hours!!! My mom and dad have pics of him, knows where he lives and works, etc. In case I never return! LOL I am extremely nervous but also excited as can be! Thanks again for all the advice! (he is a cop--he has called me from his car when the police radio was on) so I am PROBABLY safe. :-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2004
Mon, 07-19-2004 - 5:30am
Some asked me for an update on how the date went. It went very well, too well actually :-) Went way
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 07-19-2004 - 10:33am
Hmm...good luck with that. Every time that I have used the "we're both adults" rationalization, I have regretted it, because what happens is I get emotionally attached to the guy and THEN when flaws and dealbreakers start to become evident a month or two down the road, I'm too far gone and I twist myself into a pretzel to make it work.

I don't know what you can do at this point, other than remind yourself 100 times a day that "yes, he *seems* great, but it's early; time will tell" so I will just wish you luck and hope for your sake that he is the exception and not the rule.

Sheri