online dat'ng, chged city hes from???

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2003
online dat'ng, chged city hes from???
3
Mon, 04-19-2004 - 10:54am
while i know the answer to this, im still going to give this guy the benefit of the doubt, but i dont have much faith in it.

for background, i met this guy R on an online personals site. very large one. and i liked it in the beginning. he & i have clicked since the time we met. we didnt talk much on email before we met and met within 2 weeks of finding one another.

anyhow, bene 2 months. going well.

last night i was checking my messages in my acct, mor elike cleaning it out since i deleted mine. I was tired of the online thing.

well his- has changed. his city hes from is now a city 3000 miles away from where we live. hes not moving there.

what hte HECK is up w/ that? anyone else experience that/

My only guess is that hes wanting someone to hook up w/ while hes in this "fake" city. but the fact is is that he doesnt have any plans to go there in the next 3-6 months. so what theh heck? im so confused now and i will ask him about this bc rihgt now, i dont trust him at all. and i'm prety much done w/ him.

It completely took me by surprise as i thought he was an honest guy. he didnt overly play me lines, hes been honest about what he likes/doesnt like... or i thought....

So it sucks because i did like him, more than anyone i have in about 2 years...

thanks for any input.

*surfergirl

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Mon, 04-19-2004 - 11:33am
I'm confused.... what are you angry about exactly? The fact that he still has a personal ad up, or that he lied about what city he lives in???

If you're mad that he still has an ad.. I say you shouldn't be, unless you BOTH had previously agreed to date exclusively, and he told you he had taken the ad down. If you had agreed to be exclusive, then I agree that you should move on, and he is history!

But it sounds like you're mad because it appears he is being deceitful in order to "hook up"... I guess I can kind of understand that. Why not wait until you ASK HIM why his ad says he lives 3000 miles away, and see what the answer is. Maybe there's some plausible explanation. (ok, not likely, but anything's possible)

Interesting situation... please let us know what happens!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2003
Mon, 04-19-2004 - 11:53am
hi jilly

funny thing is is that i would not hav ebeen upset if i saw he still had the ad up & i saw he was still active, i think he & i both need to see if we're really clicking. one of the ways is to date others and see how that is. so we're not exclusive, but we're def dating. we've had some talks, we're consistent in seeing each other weekly. we had decided to wait to have sex an dbe physical. i thought it was great he was wanting to take things slow. i think that is the best way to develop a good rs. i thought he was on the same page from the talks we've had. but then i find the ad w/ a diff city, that goes against alot of what he protrayed to me in the talks.

i'm mad because it looks deceitful.

funny thing is - is that this past w/e i had realized i really liked him. some things had happened that i realized i had developed feelings for him.

I realize some guys get really nervous and fearful of losing their bachelor hood so they do weird things .... like date others they would'nt necessarily date before ... but this is just dishonest in alot of ways.

i'll keep you all updated....

thanks again, *s

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-19-2004 - 12:42pm
I agree with jilly... ASK him...............................


and ask him the questions that's hard to get the true answers to,

... meaning if he wants to be exclusive with you, and if he's making

himself available to other people, as in he's "Not taken".

i know this can be hard if this "is" the guy YOU want to be exclusive

with. i dated long distance, and i thought he was very serious about

being exculive with me... he made it clear with me and my family and friends

that we were a couple..and he told me without asking him he removed his

ad from the dating site. when i looked it was gone.... but months into dating

online then seeing him "exclusively... i saw where he wanted to be "back" to

the past person he dated before me. it was very hard to handle and very painful

To lose.... I ASKED him very hard questions and yes I was so afraid of the true

answers, he saw in my face and heart I wouldn't be able to ACCEPT

the TRUTH, so he lied..... to the very END.....

So if this is what "YOU" truly want you will have to ask if he wants the same

and have him understand and tell him YOU'LL understand if it's not the same.

Truth is being a Friend and letting people do and be with who they really want.


Take care.