online guy

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2006
online guy
3
Sat, 02-25-2006 - 11:40am

Hi. Well I recently joined one of those online dating sites. I've corresponded with a few guys. Met one. No chemistry. I emailed a good luck with guys two that weren't going anywhere. Am now conversing with three.

What's the Dilemma you ask? Well one of these three, I am emailing a lot! Not the usual BS. We joke but are also serious at various times. He seems as genuine as I am and I log on just to talk with him. I started by looking at this one as a "friend" possibility maybe more. His profile was what intrigued me. Books he loves, (and can actually discuss) sincere tone in that his personality seems to come through in his writing.
Well we've emailed for several weeks now and he always responds to mine and I to his. I'm concerned because I have connected with this guy. He's shared a few personal things recently. I haven't heard back today and don't want to email again even if its a nice how did work go email. Afraid it may not be appropriate. I don't want to play games. I prefer a guy to be like I am : honest, direct and no games.
I enjoy our back and forth talks and would rather have him in my life than not. Never felt this over email before or since! Strange?

Questions: What do I do? Keep it going as is and see what he does? Am I too invested in this one guy? Am I doing the 'girl thing' and just questioning everything?

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: eliza2006
Sat, 02-25-2006 - 11:50am

This is an OLD (on-line dating) mistake many newbies make...emailing too long before meeting in person, and getting a false sense of attachment and intimacy before meeting. Have the two of you talked about taking it to the phone, or meeting? If not, he might be a member of a common species on OLD--the "endless emailer". These are guys who really don't want to meet in person but who love having penpals for some reason.

I don't know about you, but I do OLD to actually *MEET* people ;-) to possibly form a relationship with. So if this guy does respond, I'd suggest that you move towards meeting for a cup of coffee ASAP. If he doesn't seem interested in that, then move on (unless you're ok with just having a penpal).

And you might also want to post and/or read posts on the OLD board for more pointers about online dating.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
In reply to: eliza2006
Sat, 02-25-2006 - 12:45pm
Meet him as soon as possible to see if the connection you feel through email translates to real life. Right now, all you have is a "fantasy" connection to a guy you don't even really know other than what he's told you on email. Real relationships are based on face to face interaction. Before you get all caught up in feelings and fantasy, meet him and see how it goes. Keep your expectations realistic because 99% of the time, online connection doesn't translate to real life. I have gone out with probably 20 guys from online and so far only once or twice have I ever found a connection. Good luck but quit the online fantasy ASAP.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
In reply to: eliza2006
Sun, 02-26-2006 - 10:35am

Hi Eliza,


You should come over to the OLD board (you can find the link in my signature), there's great advice there as well.


As for your situation, I would definitely move it to a real-life meeting. Many times it's very easy to start to really like a guy via email or phone and then when you meet, *fizzle*. There's just nothing there. So I would definitely let him know you want to meet and initiate a time and place. (Just remember to keep it public.)


Also, don't put all your eggs in this one basket. Initiate contact with other guys, keep talking to the ones that you like but may not be over the moon about. Think of OLD like a store--window shop and research