Online relationship meeting/very long!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2006
Online relationship meeting/very long!
Tue, 03-14-2006 - 9:47pm

Okay. We met. Problem is he lives in Bermuda and I live in Missouri! We 'connected' instantly from the 1st email. It was awesome. We were off and running.

After awhile we began discussing our normal fears. Fears of meeting and not feeling the same. No problem. We promised one another we would remain friends---regardless. And we have. When he was making plans on coming over here to meet me, I questioned the 'long distance' thing. I've never done that and told him I didn't want to. Didn't think I had it in me. He assured me that we would work it out---one way or another. He even went as far as to say that he would possibly consider moving to the states, if that's what I wanted.

Now we both were trying to be as sensible and practical about this as we could. We constantly reminded one another that we may feel differently when we met and spent some time together. We knew this was a possibility. We also knew and even discussed how we didn't want to put one another on a pedestal of sorts, and build things up in our minds. We talked about everything people could possibly talk about. You think I'm kidding?

No exaggeration here; the 1st night of emails; 52. He works in computer field so we were online chatting and emailing from 4AM my time till 3-4pm my time. He took the ferry home and got back online or called, and we talked till 10pm-12am my time again! This went on for over a month. My 1st month's phone bill from him alone was $400 and that doesn't even include all the 'free time'. His was over $7,000!!! (Bermuda is excessively expensive compared to us.). He flew in last weekend and we spent the weekend together. It was awesome!!!! Problem? Yes.

On the day that he was to return home I had some awkward gut feelings.
Should have trusted those womanly instincts!!!

He called me twice on way home and texted a couple of times. The next morning while chatting I asked him why it felt like we were 'dancing around one another'. He admitted it and eventually I got out of him that he really didn't want to do the long distance thing. Immediatly, I thought, okay he just didn't feel the 'connection' like he thought he would. I emailed him later that day and told him not to feel obligated, because it happens and it wasn't like we didn't know that it might. After several emails and chatting he swore be damned it wasn't me. It wasn't that. He really liked me and thought I was soooo wonderful...but didn't think either one of us could handle the LDR.

I still didn't believe him. By now I'm really mad and hurt cause he wasn't 'completely honest and forthright' when he had the opportunity. And before we had become intimate. (Yes, I know this was too soon!) And we had been so honest up until that point. By then he knew me well enough to know I would rather have brutally blunt honesty and know where I stood, versus less than honest reactions and words because he was afraid to hurt my feelings.

Ok, I vented, he took it like a man, although still says he cares and that if I lived closer we would both feel better about things and could build a relationship. We both agreed that we got 'physical' too soon and even though we knew better, got attached too quickly. We agreed to continue to be friends because well---we wanted to!
We had become one another's Best Friend!

Problem. Yes.
He continues to call continuously and talk for hours. He continues to chat for hours. Granted he's careful about the romantic way we talked before, he was confusing the hell out of me! So I emailed him and told him so. I told him 'friends' don't talk for hours upon hours per day and internationally at that. I told him I was really confused, had gotten too attached to be able to just pretend that the romantic part had never happened and that I needed some time too 'adjust and accept' our new type of relationship. I also mentioned that "...unlike some, I was not able to just turn my feelings off and on."

He left me alone all day after that email, much to my relief and yes it just about killed me! I finally broke down in the evening and texted him. No response. Thought he might be carrying his other phone, so called. He was getting drunk on a weeknight! Not typical of him to get drunk---let alone on weeknight. He left the bar immediatly and went home and called me.
Turns out, a friend from work took him out to let him have a shoulder to cry on, so to speak. He says they discussed me and us all night.

We didn't get to talk much because he was entertaining the porcelain throne, if you know what I mean.
What does everyone, hell---ANYONE else make of this???
Sorry to be so long and drawn out; but the details tell the story more accurately.