only attract guys I have no interest in

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2008
only attract guys I have no interest in
13
Sun, 03-16-2008 - 12:51pm

Hi!
I am a very cheerful and energetic woman, but if I find someone attractive I completely shut down. I can't smile naturally and I feel like I have nothing to say. (I'm not shy, but around good looking guys I get very nervous!) But, if I am around people I am not attracted to (there is no other, nicer way to put it I'm afraid) I am myself, and these are usually the men who ask me out. That is a boost, because it means that if I could be myself I'm sure I could date someone I'm actually attracted to!

The problem is that I feel extremely shallow! Guys have been asking me on dates but I am not attracted to them. I have no idea how to respond. Should I just try it out even though I cannot see myself attracted to them in any way? They seem like great guys, but I know that if attraction is completely absent it can kill any relationship down the road. I feel extremely lucky to have people attracted to me at all, so I feel awful being confused about this "problem".

Thank you and have a great day!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2007
Sun, 03-16-2008 - 2:40pm

There's a few things going on in your post: 1)how do you handle talking to someone who you find attractive without clamming up, 2)do you date someone who at first you seem to have no attraction to, 3)are you shallow?


1) what I have found from experience, the easiest thing to do (at first)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2008
Sun, 03-16-2008 - 9:20pm

Hey, I seem to have the exact same difficulty with dating as you do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2008
Sun, 03-16-2008 - 10:02pm
I am notoriously picky.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2004
Sun, 03-16-2008 - 10:15pm
It's refreshing to see someone with LITERALLY the exact same issues i go through when i meet men.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2008
Mon, 03-17-2008 - 2:30pm

Hi missconjiniality,


Welcome to the board!!


Sometimes being yourself around people is a matter of pushing past your fears and just going for it and then not being to hard on yourself if you feel like you messed up.

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2008
Mon, 03-17-2008 - 2:35pm

Hi whatisnormal,


Welcome to the board!!


It is great when we share our stories and find that we are not alone.

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2008
Mon, 03-17-2008 - 3:58pm

Hello!

Thank you for breaking down the issues I was trying to convey in my message and for your advice. I will definitely keep what you said in mind! I do have somewhat of an image in my mind, and it is unfair and unwise of me to use that as a starting point for what I want.

Thank you again!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2008
Mon, 03-17-2008 - 4:01pm

Hi Kristie!

Thank you so much for your warm welcome and your advice!!

It's a good idea to remind ourselves that we're not the only ones putting ourselves out there, so I will try not to think of it as 'work' but more as 'living'!

It's unfair of me not to give people a chance from the get-go, so thank you for the advice to try it out. A date doesn't mean marriage after all!

Thank you again!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2008
Mon, 03-17-2008 - 4:06pm

Hi whatisnormal!

Thank you for sharing, it feels great knowing I'm not alone. :)

I know exactly what you mean about as long you're attracted you don't care kind of thinking. I'm not asking for a Johnny Depp look alike (although, if that's what God gives me I won't complain haha) just someone I could feel a spark with. But it's true that sparks don't come RIGHT away sometimes. And if it doesn't work out with the guys who do ask you out, at least you can say you tried. And what the other lovely ladies said on this board, you can also figure out what you want! Which means if a handsome man comes along you'll know he has more than just looks that attract you! (Knowledge is power, right?)

Best of luck to us both and all women with our predicaments!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2008
Mon, 03-17-2008 - 4:15pm

Hello goddess_periwinkle! (such a cute name!)

So nice to find out we're not alone! :D

I hope you benefit from the great advice that the wise and lovely women have given me through this message board.

For me, the more attractive a man, I feel that much more unattractive. Just saying that I know it's silly. When it boils down to it, no matter how good looking a guy is I have never liked someone who had an ugly personality. So, looks can get your foot in the door, but it's what's inside that gets you in!

I am going to do my best to get over this, because you can only gain from it. Dating a range of men will give me insight and maybe I'll find that special One just by trying things out. If not, at least I tried, and I'll be that much wiser.

I hope you do the same too!! I realized I'm more likely to regret not trying things out than going out with a guy whose looks didn't make me swoon, you know? :)

Best of luck to us both and to other women like us!

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