An opinion needed on heartbreak........
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| Wed, 05-05-2004 - 11:18am |
I thought we had a good relationship and had talked many times about the future together. Even though he wasn't sure about our relationship at first, because he was considering having children, we have continued on and I thought we were very close. We never argued and always laughed together and enjoyed one another's company. He never raised the issue of children since the very beginning and we were making future plans. We lived together for a brief period of time before I moved away, and he was so happy when he moved, just to be closer to me so that we could be together more often.
There's always a "but" and mine is about something that happened this past weekend. I found out he has been e-mailing another woman for the last 2 weeks. Asking to meet her and telling her he is not involved with anyone, among other things. Needless to say, I am devastated. I confronted him about it via e-mail, because when I called, he didn't answer the phone. I got an e-mail response from him, indicating that he was sorry to have hurt me this way, but he had been feeling unsatisfied with our relationship. He explained that he never met the woman, but had "only" been writing to her. He went on to tell me that I knew he wanted children and that we are at different stages in our lives. Then he says he was going to tell me when the time was right. We had just been together 2 days before and he never mentioned it. I feel betrayed and used and I'm totally shocked.
When we finally talked on Monday and all I could do was cry and he kept saying how sorry he was, that he is an ass, a cheater and a liar. My trust in him has been totally destroyed. It's very difficult to turn off my feelings and part of me wants to work it out, but part of me hates him for what he has done. I'm not really sure where we stand now. I don't want to be in a facade of a relationship or be taken advantage of. I don't even know if he wants to work things out or if he is glad that I now know the truth and he can move on, because our first conversation wasn't very productive with all the crying that I did. I'd say his e-mail is pretty good indication that he is relieved to be rid of me. We spoke briefly again Tuesday night, but I was so exhasted from lack of sleep, I cut the conversation short. He is going to call tonight. I know he is concerned about me, but I'm not sure how I feel about his concern, whether it is just his feelings of guilt or genuine concern for my heartache.
I've never had an experience of cheating before and I feel so confused. I don't want him to think he can do anything to me and I'll just let it go because being with him is better than being alone. I'm not afraid to be alone. I was divorced 12 years ago and have made a happy, successful life for myself alone. I don't need a man to make me happy, although I enjoyed his company a lot and felt very comfortable with him.
I guess I just want to hear what other people have to say about this situation. Maybe there is no going back to the relationship, for him or me, but I am just looking for some thoughts and feedback.

It was really hard and it broke my heart but I had to tell my ex boyfriend (who I did love very much) I had to tell him goodbye. Just let yourself grieve and realize there is a man out there who will love you the way you are and never betray you like that. There was a time I didn't believe that, until I met my guy. You sound like a terrific independent woman with a good life, who can do SO much better than this one. Don't settle for anything less than the best for yourself. I would drop him, it's his loss and he will realize that someday. They always do.
Time passed, and he began calling me and begging me to come back to him.
Don't fall for it if yours does. It's just a temporary weakness on their parts and you'll wish you had stayed strong and moved on away from him from the start.