the other woman
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the other woman
| Mon, 06-04-2007 - 4:44pm |
My friend has been seeing a guy with a girlfriend. Him and the girlfriend have a long distance thing. They see each other 2 weeks at a time, three times a year and talk on the phone only every now and then. I have seen my friend and the guy together and I think he is in love with her but he says he's having a hard time breaking it off with the other girl because he has been with her a long time and he's afraid she might hurt herself (she has a history of this). I told my friend she needs to stop seeing him, was this wrong? I just don't think he will ever have the guts to break up with the girlfriend. Why be the second girl? She deserves better than that. Plus he is cheating on the other girl! What a mess. It is sad because these two are in love, I can tell. But I think she needs to stop seeing him or she will only get hurt more the deeper she goes into it. I think she's already taking my advice because she's trying to come up with any reason to blow him off like he didn't call her today or something like that LOL Anyway, what do you guys think?

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"she has a history of hurting herself" - well there you go...if she is that attached and is that frail and he is enabling that, you are right to advise your friend to break up with him.
Some people see dating as entering a battlefield or a business deal, complete with the one-up-manship and making sure "they get theirs" instead of an opportunity for something great to happen to themselves. Once the games begin with someone, then you know they are really not interested in giving or receiving love or enhancing their life by knowing another...they are just interested in receiving, not giving, and getting through it with the least amount of effort on their parts...that's not dating...that's something else.
I don't have a problem with halle venting her frustrations about men. It is okay to vent and say things if one needs to vent. She is free to express as far as I am concerned.
While the onus is on us to ensure a good life for ourselves by making adequate choices, sometimes people do trick and con and hurt and take advantage and you can really not see it coming. If one is victimized one should not be held accountable for the unforeseen - and if anyone thinks they are too cool or too smart to not get hit this way, boy, are they in for a rude awakening one day.
You can project all the "good" in the world and still get handed "crap" - the statement about people getting treated the way we let ourselves get treated is correct, but initially one may get treated poorly regardless of what they project or think or feel. The only thing you can do in those situations is stand up for yourself and get out early, but the initial ill treatment can still take place. And it is not about karma, it is about societal shifts and how people are basically thinking just for themselves, but not in a healthy good way, only self destructive.
So she started off telling me everything she said to him. That she really liked him, etc but that it wasn't going to work because of x-y-z. She said maybe she (my friend) wasn't even "the one" for him, but he should be free from the girlfriend to find that person and that she just wanted him to be happy. Wow, I was so impressed that she was able to get all of that out! I was like, girl, how'd you do that? She said at first it was so hard but then once she started it got easier and it all came out. I'm so proud of her! Well, so we were all wrong! And it looks like Ryan is better than we thought he was... because after he let her talk and let all of that out? He told her he broke up with his girlfriend. So there are happy endings after all :)
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