Out of league or out of bounds?
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Out of league or out of bounds?
| Fri, 07-06-2007 - 6:04am |
Hi. Okay, so I'm really messed up here. I've been in a quite bad not-relationship (just making out at parties and such. Basically I'm the one he calls when he's done hanging with his friends every Friday and Saturday night!). Maybe I should start by mentioning that I'm only 17 (and that I have not slept with this guy! ..not that he hasn't done his best to try and make me :))I am still a virgin, and have no intentions of sleeping with him. BUT: Even though there has never been any promises of things to develop, of course there has been a reason why I have kept on seeing this guy for a year (!!) now. When he's not drunk, and when he's just around his friends, he's just perfect. He's quiet, fun and really caring. And I think that's also one of the reasons - it's like a drug to me, being taken care of, feeling that he's there to protect me.
But no matter how much I have liked this guy - let's call him A - in the past, now I just feel sick of myself when I'm with him. So obviously, it's not that often I see him anymore. It's just, his friends are my friends, so at parties he's always there. And that's kind of what this is about: A party at my friends house the other day.
The party was to celebrate their being done with school (where I live, it's a thing like high school/college, from your about 16-19, and I'm done with my first year, and they're done with third and last year), and I was one of the only ones not from their year. Late at night, pretty much all of the girls had left (me and one of my friends (a boy) had planned to follow each other home), and I was there with the guy that threw the party, John, and some of our friends. Now, another guy I had been talking to all night (Let's call him B), who is really religious, I have always had a bit of a crush on, but because of his "holiness", I never thought about him "that way". Now, he is really intelligent, not much of looker, hilarious and very nice. So without noticing we'd spent like 3 hours talking. When I later came out of the bathroom, John (his best friend) pulled me aside and said: "Hey, I just had a ... vision! You and B! I have never seen him talk to a girl like that before! And you.. You'd be the perfect couple!" !!! That totally freaked me out, because then all of a sudden, maybe he wasn't so much out of my league anyway, and I reeeaally like him. Meanwhile, A had heard this talk (and just let me slip in, I have been more than what I described before, but he is just not the "relationship type", so I told him that either it was serious or not serious at all - I couldn't deal with that thing in between that sometimes he wanted to just go have dinner and hold my hand, and other times he would try picking someone else up first, and when that didn't succeed he'd call me) and he was sooo jealous. But.. Okay, moving on:
I knew that B wasn't someone I could just say "Hey, are we going back to my place" to (maybe not that exactly, but you know what I mean), so I just didn't think about, I just went in to talk to the guys again. Meanwhile, another guy (!!) - who is now C - came over, and we started talking, me, B and C. He was very amazed by my views on specific topics, and I loved the fact that he was so intrigued by me :D He is also a very nice guy, and obviously very sad about the fact that he was friends with A (and I therefor for some would be out of bounds). So when we all were in the same train going home early morning, he sort of whispered to me, very intense: "Maybe..sometime.. if, you know.. your number!!" and I said what? and he said "I need to see you again!". After that, B walked me home, and I went to this festival (where I am now).
Now, both A and C are here too, but B isn't going. A has texted me several nights, but I haven't met him here yet. Now, in some ways it would be nice and easy to just be with him again, but I just can't forget about B and whether not there was something there. You know, something "deeper"? I know it sounds silly, but it just felt like there was some sort of .. connection. Meanwhile, now he's out of school, and the chances of me seeing him again are very, very small (he's not really a part of that group of guys). So, now the reason I'm all confused is this: A keeps calling and texting me and wants to hook up, and I am for some reason quite tempted, B is at home - maybe or maybe not interested in me (and if he is, that would be.. oh, that would be Heaven), and C is with A when A calls me, and is very eager to see me again (and I him).
... I'm sorry for the very long message, but I'm just so messed up, and coldness and hangovers from the festival is not helping. If anybody has any advice at all, I would be very, very thankful!
Lots of thanks allready, Lea
But no matter how much I have liked this guy - let's call him A - in the past, now I just feel sick of myself when I'm with him. So obviously, it's not that often I see him anymore. It's just, his friends are my friends, so at parties he's always there. And that's kind of what this is about: A party at my friends house the other day.
The party was to celebrate their being done with school (where I live, it's a thing like high school/college, from your about 16-19, and I'm done with my first year, and they're done with third and last year), and I was one of the only ones not from their year. Late at night, pretty much all of the girls had left (me and one of my friends (a boy) had planned to follow each other home), and I was there with the guy that threw the party, John, and some of our friends. Now, another guy I had been talking to all night (Let's call him B), who is really religious, I have always had a bit of a crush on, but because of his "holiness", I never thought about him "that way". Now, he is really intelligent, not much of looker, hilarious and very nice. So without noticing we'd spent like 3 hours talking. When I later came out of the bathroom, John (his best friend) pulled me aside and said: "Hey, I just had a ... vision! You and B! I have never seen him talk to a girl like that before! And you.. You'd be the perfect couple!" !!! That totally freaked me out, because then all of a sudden, maybe he wasn't so much out of my league anyway, and I reeeaally like him. Meanwhile, A had heard this talk (and just let me slip in, I have been more than what I described before, but he is just not the "relationship type", so I told him that either it was serious or not serious at all - I couldn't deal with that thing in between that sometimes he wanted to just go have dinner and hold my hand, and other times he would try picking someone else up first, and when that didn't succeed he'd call me) and he was sooo jealous. But.. Okay, moving on:
I knew that B wasn't someone I could just say "Hey, are we going back to my place" to (maybe not that exactly, but you know what I mean), so I just didn't think about, I just went in to talk to the guys again. Meanwhile, another guy (!!) - who is now C - came over, and we started talking, me, B and C. He was very amazed by my views on specific topics, and I loved the fact that he was so intrigued by me :D He is also a very nice guy, and obviously very sad about the fact that he was friends with A (and I therefor for some would be out of bounds). So when we all were in the same train going home early morning, he sort of whispered to me, very intense: "Maybe..sometime.. if, you know.. your number!!" and I said what? and he said "I need to see you again!". After that, B walked me home, and I went to this festival (where I am now).
Now, both A and C are here too, but B isn't going. A has texted me several nights, but I haven't met him here yet. Now, in some ways it would be nice and easy to just be with him again, but I just can't forget about B and whether not there was something there. You know, something "deeper"? I know it sounds silly, but it just felt like there was some sort of .. connection. Meanwhile, now he's out of school, and the chances of me seeing him again are very, very small (he's not really a part of that group of guys). So, now the reason I'm all confused is this: A keeps calling and texting me and wants to hook up, and I am for some reason quite tempted, B is at home - maybe or maybe not interested in me (and if he is, that would be.. oh, that would be Heaven), and C is with A when A calls me, and is very eager to see me again (and I him).
... I'm sorry for the very long message, but I'm just so messed up, and coldness and hangovers from the festival is not helping. If anybody has any advice at all, I would be very, very thankful!
Lots of thanks allready, Lea

Okay, now you are 17 and most of the women who do come to this board are a lot older. So our advice is tainted with our age, so please keep that in mind. You may, after getting some responses decide to post on a teenage board, if ivillage has any to get advice more suited for your age group.
This is the way I see things:
1. "Basically I'm the one he calls when he's done hanging with his friends every Friday and Saturday night!)"
--> you definitely dont want to be in this position with ANY guy. That would eventually lead to him only coming over if he wanted sex without investing in the relationship.
2. "B, who is really religious, I have always had a bit of a crush on, but because of his "holiness", I never thought about him "that way". Now, he is really intelligent, not much of looker, hilarious and very nice. So without noticing we'd spent like 3 hours talking. When I later came out of the bathroom, John (his best friend) pulled me aside and said: "Hey, I just had a ... vision! You and B! I have never seen him talk to a girl like that before! And you.. You'd be the perfect couple!" !!! That totally freaked me out, because then all of a sudden, maybe he wasn't so much out of my league anyway, and I reeeaally like him."
a) is the fact that "B" is religious okay with you? Are you both of the same faith? I know when you are young, "love" means everything, but sometimes things like religion and race do interfere with love. Since you do live at home (I'm assuming) would your parents be okay with B's religious faith? I dont mean to sound like a party pooper, but these are things to think about...a few steps down the road...which, if you start training yourself early in life to see situations this way, can save you a lot of heartache. So often people dont look two steps ahead to see if there are any consequences to their actions --> a very adult-like way to see the world.
b)why would you think he is out of your league? Because of his religiousness? or because of something else? The fact that you spent 3 hours talking to him and the time just flew by is a great indicator that you two just might hit it off.
3. "So when we all were in the same train going home early morning, he sort of whispered to me, very intense: "Maybe..sometime.. if, you know.. your number!!" and I said what?
and he said "I need to see you again!". After that, B walked me home, and I went to this festival (where I am now). "
----> This is "B" asking you for your number right? Did you give him the number? I hope so.
I say, forget about "A". He has had plenty of time to do the right thing by you. "C" is out of bounds for you, so let's forget about him too. "B" sounds good for you, as long as you two have the religion thing in common because if he is "into it" then you would have to be "into it" too in order for things to really gel and since he doesnt hang out with this group of guys normally, he is not out of bounds like "C" is.