over thinking driving me nuts!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2012
over thinking driving me nuts!
Sun, 10-21-2012 - 8:07pm

Hi all, I am new here so I'll tell you a little about me before I tell you what's going on.

I'm in my early 40s, single and not dating per se, but more a FWB with a guy I've known for a long time. I have not been married-mainly just because I never really found that 'special someone' I guess.   It doesn't bother me being single but sometimes it does get lonely. I have some good friends so that helps.

Anyhow, onto what I am feeling. Since I am in this FWB thing with this man, things are casual, and that's fine, neither one of us is really looking, we're just kinda meeting our needs, for lack of better words. But I've noticed that he will get really quiet like not text or call me for a while, and then all of a sudden I'll hear from him - but then I'll ask, "oh I haven't heard from you, you must be busy, how've you been" and his reply is usually, "lol, was out all night, and just woke up" or similar. Well, why doesn't he just tell me that he was out partying with his friends, girls, hook up or whatever? I don't probe with the where, who, what, etc as it's none of my business but I kinda feel a bit jealous at times and wonder if I should just drop this whole FWB thing because I shouldn't feel jealous or anything if we're just friends, but apparently I want or am looking for more....

is he afraid to tell me what he was doing because he thinks I'll take it the wrong way or get upset? I wouldn't get upset, but I'd feel kinda bad or sad, whatever you call it, so I think it would be best if I just let it/fwb go so as not to get too involved.

What do you think?

...Sorry if it sounds like I am babbling, my 'feelings' kind of blind sided me I guess.

thanks in advance,


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Mon, 10-22-2012 - 6:37pm

Avmojave, these FWB things always seem to turn out more complicated than we plan them.

Yes, he could be keeping the info of his private life from you so as to not upset you or make you mad.   Equally, he could be keeping it from you because he wants to keep his private life and you separate.

Either way, this FWB seems to be causing you more angst than it's worth.   I vote for ending it and waiting for a guy who really wants to be with you.